Are You Taking Full Advantage of Your Network?

Over a breakfast of lattes and pumpkin muffins at my local coffee shop, a colleague and I reflected on how weird it felt to be meeting people in person post-Covid. We discussed the awkwardness of handshakes versus fist bumps, whether to sit inside or outside, and what to say or do when someone coughs and you want to run away.

Then we turned to the subject of networking.

“My consulting business really suffered during the pandemic,” he shared. “And it hasn’t really bounced back. I might need to get a job, in which case I may have to start really networking again.”

“I hear you,” I said, with empathy.

“How about you?” he asked. “Will you start networking again now that it’s safe to leave the house?”

“Actually,” I said, “I never stopped.”

He paused, seeming confused, and then asked me a question that took me by surprise. “If you’ve got plenty of clients, and you’re not looking for a new job, then why are you still networking?”

I took a moment to consider his inquiry. Certainly, I could have coffee and baked goods at home, so that wasn’t the reason. I wasn’t trying to fill up my day so I wouldn’t be bored or lonely. I definitely wasn’t looking for a new job. So why was I still actively networking? Why had I never stopped?

Upon reflection, I realized that I had three reasons for networking that had nothing to do with finding my next client.

• My network provides me with insights, experiences, and perspectives that expand my own knowledge and thinking. This makes me a valuable resource to my colleagues and clients.
• My network allows me to help others. While many of us think of our networks as people who can help us, we need to remember that those relationships are a give-and-take. I’ve got plenty of energy, inspiration, connections, resources, and support to give.
• My network helps sharpen my communication skills. Having a broad and diverse network gives me the chance to practice the very skills that I help others develop as a part of my coaching and training work. From communicating in virtual environment and “reading the room” to navigating tricky conversations or making a big ask, my network is the perfect laboratory to practice within.

You can similarly leverage the power of your network to make gains beyond landing a job.

1) Use your network to learn.

Networks are among the primary knowledge conduits of the world. Throughout our lives, we learn from people that we know. The spread of knowledge through a network resembles the spread of infection. In other words, learning is contagious.

All of us can benefit from “catching” the wisdom, knowledge, and experience that our networks provide. There’s actually a word for this: network intelligence.

This kind of learning doesn’t just come from the people we interact with most often. Interestingly, we are most likely to learn from our “dormant ties,” or former colleagues, peers, and friends with whom we’ve lost touch. Because we’re not constantly engaging with these people, they have much to offer us. While we’re off living our lives, growing and learning, they’re doing the same. Reconnecting allows us to exchange that information, share knowledge, and introduce each other to skills we can leverage.

How to network with the goal of learning:

• Build your network to supplement your knowledge of different industries and areas of expertise. Strive to connect with people with diverse backgrounds and educations; people of genders, races, sexualities, and abilities different than your own; people from different geographies, cultures, fields, and sectors. This will help you not just in finding your next job or new client, but as a lifelong learner.
• Think about what you know, and more specifically, what you know how to do. Offer your expertise to the people who may want to learn from you in exchange for their advice and expertise. You should also consider your “beyond the job” knowledge. For instance, I’m not a travel agent, but my connections often tap me to help them plan trips since I’m well traveled. Similarly, I have a connection who got certified in mindfulness practices on the side of her day job, and I can call her when I need a little emotional support.
• Re-engage weak ties. Send an email to a former colleague, peer, professor, or a friend with whom you’ve lost touch. It doesn’t have to be complicated or apologetic. You can say something like, “Hi there! I’ve been thinking about you and realized it’s been a few years since we last connected. I would love to catch up at a time that works for you. Are you game? And if so, do you prefer phone, Zoom, or a cup of coffee?” Follow up once or twice — and if you don’t hear back, try again in a few months.

2) Use your network to help others.

Humans are prosocial creatures, meaning we are wired to help other people. Helping others can give us a “helper’s high” — similar to a runner’s high — where we release endorphins that make us feel good. Helping others also triggers our reciprocity bias. When we help someone out, they are more likely to help us out in return.

So much of networking feels like asking for things, so offering your knowledge, skills, advice, or expertise is a way to differentiate yourself and build deeper connections with people who may help grow your career down the line.

How to network with the goal of helping.

• Develop your “help fluency” — a range of ways you can be helpful to your network beyond just making connections. Think about what you’re good at, what you like to do, and what others often ask for your help with. This can range from listening empathetically and giving pep talks to helping someone celebrate a big win. You can help your network battle loneliness simply by the act of reaching out.
• Identify some “low-hanging fruit” opportunities to help people in your network. These are activities that, for you, are easy, rewarding, satisfying, and that also don’t require a lot of time. For example, if you’re a great proofreader, and you can do it easily and quickly, offer to proofread the resume and cover letter of a contact who is getting ready to go on the job market.
• Play the long game. Think about your long-term career goals (one to three years from now), and identify people in your network who may be able to help you down the road. Now is the time to offer them help. For instance, perhaps you have a friend from college who is working in an industry you want to explore down the road. Reach out to them to reconnect, check in, and ask what they might be looking for help with. It could be access to a professional connection you have, to leverage a skill that you have, or even something more personals, like a recommendation for an accountant. You won’t know until you put yourself out there. Don’t think of it as a “quid pro quo.” Consider it an investment in your future relationship that may pay off.

3) Use your network to sharpen your communication skills.?

Many of us hate talking to strangers, but doing so gives us an opportunity to practice our conversation skills. Networking requires us to listen to others — their needs, values, pain points, interests, and hopes. Yet, we are notoriously bad at it. According to research from the University of California, those of us who haven’t worked specifically to develop our listening skills only understand and retain only about 50% of any conversation. Forty-eight hours later, that rate drops to less than 25%.

That’s why it’s so important to practice. Networking allows us to sharpen skills that will help us in every other part of our careers: curiosity, persuasion, confidence, and executive presence, as well as learning how to speak engagingly and keep the attention of an audience.

These are skills that make us better problem-solvers, decision-makers, speakers, presenters, and communicators. They teach us how to ask smart questions and share our ideas without oversharing or dominating conversations.

How to network with the goal of sharpening your communication skills:

• Identify one or two communication skills you’d like to improve (such as listening without interrupting or describing what you do succinctly) and practice those skills during an upcoming networking conversation. If you’re feeling particularly bold, ask your new connection for feedback!
• Have a conversation with someone in your network whom you know to hold different political, social, religious, or other viewpoint from your own. Practice having a respectful dialogue and exchange of ideas. Lead the conversation with curiosity.
• Practice your pitching skills by suggesting that your new connection meet with someone in your current network. Tell a compelling story about how you met this other person, articulate why you think they’d be a good resource for your new connection, and ask if you can make an introduction. Then write a clear, concise, and compelling email introducing these two people.

Networking shouldn’t just be about what you need right now. It should be about learning, helping others, and growing yourself in the process. Don’t sell yourself short — leverage your network for all its worth.

Originally posted on Harvard Business Review.

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a keynote speaker and consultant who teaches leadership communication for Wharton Business School and Columbia Business School. She is a regular contributor for Harvard Business Review, Inc., Psychology Today, Forbes, and Fast Company. The author of Overcoming Overthinking: 36 Ways to Tame Anxiety for Work, School, and Life, she consults and speaks for clients including Amazon, BlackRock, Kraft Heinz, PepsiCo, and The United States Army. Her work has been featured in worldwide media, including Bloomberg Businessweek, Oprah Magazine, and The New York Times. Visit her online at www.deborahgraysonriegel.com.