You Are NOT a Supermom, Part 1

     I believe too many professional moms in America need to hear a message: You're NOT a Supermom.          

     I was 20 years old and, like many young adults my age, I was a fulltime college student. Unlike many my age, I was also working full time, 6 days a week at a hair salon and was a single mother of a child approaching 18 months as well. I remember one evening mid-way through my second semester being in church and helplessly falling apart. I was trying to cope with all the demands that life was throwing my way and emotionally it was taking its toll. Independently, none of these were easy tasks so I felt I was barely holding onto my sanity managing them all together. After service, I approached a woman I trusted to confide in about how weak I felt. I needed help, I needed prayer, and I needed to let go of the notion that I could do it all and I needed to do it all. The most important action I had to take was the latter – I was not superwoman. I left my church that day removing that mindset and, as a single mom, it was perhaps one of the healthiest things I’ve ever done for myself.

                For me, it was a spiritual and much needed experience which I believe even now has positively impacted my mental wellbeing. My situation didn’t change much; I was a single mother until after my son turned five and the entire time I was a fulltime student through while managing a fulltime career. I’ve realized what I was doing wasn’t impossible. It wasn’t a breeze, but I could make it happen with the right frame of mind.

To this day, whenever someone praises me on how I’m a “supermom”, I receive it humbly knowing that I am not. What I am is a mother who is doing my best to prepare for my future while managing my present so that my family can be positioned to benefit both now and down the road. While motherhood, along with many other roles which the modern American woman must take on, requires a great deal of resilience, strength, and perseverance, we must also be realistic with our own expectation of our self so we can not only be what we need to be for us, but all the many people that depend on us.

                I’m not suggesting that religion is the only to let go such a dangerous mentality, but I do very much believe that expecting perfection from ourselves to be able to live up to the ideal image we unfortunately impose on ourselves is certainly something every women must rid themselves of. It can be difficult because we constantly have so much pulling at us. Not only do we have several family members, friends, co-workers, and other colleagues who have certain expectations of us, but in each of these relationships, we play a variety of roles. In a family context, we are daughters, mothers, wives, and partners. At work, we are managers to some and subordinates to others. Our personal relationships also vary in complexity and nature. It can be easy to forget but we are a lot of things to quite a lot of people.

Despite the fact that we’ve made major gains in the workplace over the last 4 decades, expanding our presence from an exception to exceptional while also outpacing our male counterparts in educational attainment and new entrepreneurial ventures, we’re still expected to maintain traditional roles in the family and community. We are still caretakers to spouses, children, and aging parents with the primary responsibility for cooking, cleaning, etc.  And although women are increasingly becoming the primary breadwinners in their households and men are taking on more at home to help out, we’re still much more susceptible to stress from work-life imbalance which bleeds negativity into both our personal and professional lives.

Ladies, while it’s true we may need to do what seems like everything, it’s important we also realize that we there is an appropriate time and place for everything for it as well. And just because we need to do “everything” does not mean all the weight of everything is for us to handle alone. While it may seem as though we may need to come to the rescue more often than those around us it, we are not superheroes. Additionally, we’re also not superhero hybrids like “supermom” or “wonder woman”. We are incredible, amazing humans with faults, flaws, and imperfections both at work and at home. And it’s okay. Understand your limits. Recognize what works for you, your family, your career or business. Most importantly, take care of yourself just as well as you take care of those around you.