Are you suffering from "specialitis"?

Many years ago, an astrologer told me that my purpose in this particular lifetime was not to be?above?but truly?among?people.

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I filed it under “woo and weird” and moved on.

Because who would want to hear anything about?not?being special, right?

Not me,?my friend, that's for sure.

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(No worries, I am not sharing this to discuss astrology or the concept of rebirth or life purpose. I am totally good with everybody believing whatever they want.)

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But fact is that I have always remembered what she said to me that day and wondered a little about it.

And this old memory came up last weekend when I talked about mission and vision and purpose and the like with a new friend (who happens to be a lifelong Buddhist), so I shared it – and she was thrilled.

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That really threw me off.

How could "normal" instead of "special" be?a good thing??

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And Monday morning I had an email in my inbox pointing me to an article about “letting yourself be normal” (this is the link to my post if you are interested).

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Okay, I can recognize a theme when it hits me in the face like that.

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I admit, I do suffer of “specialitis”.

I have a hard time defining?who I am?when I am not striving for something special, for being the best. Or striving, period.

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But “special” in the way I was raised always includes a fair measure of “better than others”, and that's something that doesn't resonate much with me any more when I think about it.

(I remember my dad telling me –?in a loving and well-meaning way –?that "if you don't belong to the best ten percent at something, you're not good at it.")

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It invites comparison and competition, and if there's one thing I have learned over the past decade (and especially during the pandemic) it's that collaboration with and support for one another makes us all grow and succeed.

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And speaking of succeeding, another issue with “specialitis” is that it ties in very, very closely into our culture's, society's, family's definition(s) of success.

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For many, that involves a big house, nice car, awe-inspiring degrees and professional accomplishments, cushy bank accounts, plus a loving spouse and adorable children. Oh yes, and not to forget regular yoga classes, mani-pedis, and no freak-outs to have all this awesomeness run smoothly and according to plan.

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Well, my guess is that by now you may have realized that you are struggling with this definition of success because

a) the pressure of striving for it day in and day out is just too much;

b) and/or you do not want one, some or any of these things.

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That's true for me as well.

I want to measure my success in other terms, mainly how much I enjoy my life and how much value I can provide to my community (in the closer and wider sense).

If those indicators are in the green, and I am not worried about where food and the next mortgage payments are coming from?(basic needs first, of course), I'm actually good.?

It's just hard to wrap my mind around it sometimes.

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This is all a very long way of saying, maybe you, my high-achieving friend, and I should give?normal?another shot?

Because?normal?doesn't need to mean average.

And even if it does sometimes, maybe that's not bad either?

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I am giving it a shot this week:

?? writing this newsletter without comparing it to those I admire;

?? not looking left or right during yoga class at what others (can) do;

?? doing my next puzzle without wondering if I can't find a “better” hobby?(more exciting and educational, that is);

?? and hopefully something else I am not even thinking about yet.

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How about you?

Want to join me in just being totally normal for a change?

Hit reply and let me know how you are planning to escape the stress of being super-special this week!?

I'd love to hear from you!