Are you suffering from FOFU?

Why Lying on the Floor Might Just Be the Answer (Or Not)

"I should have this figured out by now."

I talk to lots of people. It doesn't matter what age. 20-something or 70-something. They all tell me that they're still searching. Searching for the elusive answer to the question.

"What am I supposed to be when I grow up?"

And then they beat themselves up. Because "Aren't I supposed to know by now?" And "Yes, OK. You're right; I could try something else." But please don't make me choose.

"Because what if I'm wrong?"

Then they look at me bleakly and say, "Can you tell me what I should do?" I'm super sorry. But no, I can't. I get it. You want me to tell you because

FOFU (Fear Of F**kig Up) is very real.

Fear of choosing the wrong future can be paralyzing. Which means you do nothing. Which means you're stuck. And nothing changes. Except that FOFU thing. Jerk. And if I can tell you the RIGHT thing to do, maybe it will be just a little less scary.

You hope I’ll roll in with my magic wand and tell you how to banish the FOFU and charge confidently into the future.

I have some thoughts, but I think you should know about my relationship with FOFU before I do.

Yesterday, as I plugged away at everything, I got a ping from one of my oldest friends. Now she's not "old" (at least not to me) but oldest because we've known each other since we were 7. Due to circumstances out of our control, Cecilia (my friend) and I have had a long-distance friendship for nearly 45 years, usually separated by 5000+ miles. This combination of time and distance means we are pros at sending quirky and intriguing messages to each other. It is a cornerstone of our friendship.

So, in true Cecilia fashion, I got a WhatsApp with this image and a message asking me,

"Why on earth was she in Southfields? I mean, who ever goes to Southfields (apart from the ?? obvs)? Bizarre."

FOFU LEVEL: 0

I did mention to her that it's possible that 1899 Southfields and the subsequent Allenswood Boarding Academy was a delightful place, and we shouldn't judge it in its current state. But the placard piqued my curiosity.

After a quick deep dive into the internet, I learned that former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt did attend Southfields, then a finishing school. She stayed there long enough to prepare for her NY debut in 1902.

The article I found talked about what Miss Roosevelt's day would look like. All very civilized and finishing-schooly. Then I read this.

"After lunch, they had to lie on the floor for an hour and a half and fix their minds on a single thought which would then be discussed at tea-time."

Are. You. Kidding. Me? 90 minutes on the floor thinking about a single question. It is the dramatic opposite of the swipe - thumb up - always connected life we live today.

I thought this was a brilliant idea. 90 minutes of thinking about a question. Lying on the floor. Quiet. No phones. Imagine what great ideas would bubble up. My enthusiasm had no bounds.

FOFU LEVEL: -10

So today, after my lunch. I lowered myself to the ground. Set the timer on my phone and asked myself the most important of questions,

"What, Joanna, do you want to be when you grow up?"

I made it 10 minutes.

In those 10 mins I went from

"Oh, this is kinda lovely lying on the floor."

to

"AAAAAHHHHHH so many options" in a matter of moments.

FOFU LEVEL: 10000000

And no, I still don't have an answer. My FOFU has been haunting me like a ghost all day. I’m still running at a FOFU Level 3 or 4.

I. AM. STUCK.

And I, like the rest of you, am not OK with being stuck, so I need to banish FOFU.

Plus, if you’re paying attention AT ALL right now, you know we’re nowhere near done with the chaos-tornado of change the entire planet seems to be experiencing. My brain practically whiplashes daily from the new thing I must grapple with. And this is coming from someone who’s always leaned into the new. Should we all give ourselves a break because FOFU Levels have a new setpoint of 3?

Um. No. At least not if you hang around me.

Things will not go back to how they were, and they’re also not going to stay as they are today. So buckle up, people; I have some FOFU-fighting ideas for you.

• Step 1. I’m going to change the rules. If everything else is changing, why not this?
• Step 2: New rule: "Figure out what" isn't the goal.

Because the moment we think we've figured it out, something changes, And we have to start again. Which means we have to battle that FOFU ghost again. So maybe the goal isn't to figure it out. But to keep yourself firmly in the figuring-out stage. Experimenting your way to the future.

• Step 3: New rule: Experiment your way to the future.

Does this sound scary? Yeah, a little. But it also sounds fun.

Or that it could be fun?

I know which future I'm choosing.

That said, I might try the "lying on the floor" thing again.

You know, just for fun.

And in case you’re wondering. A little trip down memory lane with my oldest friend popped up this memory gem. Don’t ask me why I’m wearing a tartan life jacket. Just know that it beautifully sums up my friendship with Cecilia - always faintly ridiculous.

Because here’s the big secret about battling FOFU.

• Step 4: Don’t lie on the floor alone. Find someone you can future-think with.

Other people, the ones who think you’re brilliant, however ridiculous you might be, are the ultimate antidote to FOFU. Scared is really hard to be when you’re alone. So find your people and do the scary thing with them.

You might, like me, end up laughing into the future. And now my FOFU is down at a more reasonable 0.5.

FOFU LEVEL: 0.5

What’s yours?

Do you have a friend who needs a little of the Joanna Magic? I’d love you to share this feed. I’ve even made it easy for you. You get to be the Fairy Godmother while I’m playing Cinderella. Here’s a little copy you can fill in and send to a friend who could use a little nudging from me. Can you get me to someone else’s ball?

Hey your friend’s name

I thought you might want to subscribe to this. I read what Joanna shares because it makes me think differently about the future. Both for me and for the people around me. People like you. I find it ____ (fill in the blank with your word).

And let’s find time to connect. I want to hear how you’re thinking about the future. How can I make it easy for you?

your name