.are you suffering from a chronic lack of time?

I have this memory from when I was a teenager - two adult people who used to be close and who haven't seen each other for a long time, meet on the street unexpectedly. They exchange hurried pleasantries, make hollow promises of a proper, long catch-up over coffee, then continue with their rushed lives like nothing happened. It took them another year to meet for that coffee.

I promised myself back then, that I won’t be like them - the generation of our parents and relatives, suffering from constant lack of time; looking months ahead in their calendar to meet up, or book a week's holiday a year in advance. Or faking excuses not to meet, because it requires effort and creates opportunity cost. Their ego preventing them to reach out first, when there was a too long silence on the other end. A generation living by the "Sorry, I don't have time" motto. You don't have time, you make time.

I get that it's much more difficult when kids come into play, but aren't they a comfortable excuse to not be spontaneous and discover yourself, at least for some people?

And then I arrived to London, and this became my new norm. There was always so much to do and prove, and so little time. Often, I was feeling guilty of going out for fun and meeting with friends, instead of learning about new tech developments in my field, clarifying that product market fit into a neat marketing, or working to nail one more business meeting and turn that prospect into a client. To make a name for myself. Ironically, I was doing it and yet, it still wasn't working. I couldn't crack that code to success. Nor did I have rich and influential parents, who would prepare me for the real world of blatantly claiming what's mine, being born with a Rolodex filled with one-call-away opportunities. Others were nailing it 100x harder. Or at least it looked that way. Constant award recognitions, promotions, fancy partnerships. And sometimes, it made me question my abilities. I left my comfortable life and family in Poland to make it big in London, so I (thought) better not come back (at least when visiting) recognition empty handed.

Now, ironically, the UK is officially the world's second miserable nation in the world (people are joking that next year "It's definitely coming home"), and Poland records EU's fastest GDP and has EU’s second-highest life satisfaction and highest among youth. (ok, ok, I take such rankings with a pinch of salt and I know the UK is no longer shown in EU rankings, but if it was, I doubt it would be anywhere near the top). You could say “life happens” and that's how adulthood looks like, but I don't accept it. I don't want to catch on important stuff too late, when I am sick, old and tired, and physically can't do things that I've always wanted.

Is it selfish to invest in strong friendships (even though some people will turn their back and disappoint you, anyway) and lose on money opportunities to fun, even when you've technically not yet 'made it'? Is it possible to be wildly successful, and respected without killing your back, sacrificing your private life and "having life" along the way? Or are such distractions just for losers, those whom business psycho titans like Musk or less psycho Mark Cuban look at with pity? Hustle or don't even bother.

Work like there is someone working 24 hours a day to take it away from you." Mark Cuban

Even if you do join the rat race as a lower or middle class, statistically, you have very minimal chances to escape wealth inequality . Not born into richness? Tough luck. Get in the line and pay your fair share to the wealthy . In economics it's called marginal propensity to consume. Which is the economic fact that the richer you are, the lower percent of your money you spend in the economy it either goes into savings, offshore or assets, which do nothing for the economy. Whereas every pound given to a poorer person would be spent in the economy. So while the lower and middle class can propel the economy, it's ultimately the richest of the rich who benefit.

But it doesn't mean that we should just give up by a walkover and accept things as they are. I'm far from saying that. Me, an ethereal optimist who believes in entrepreneurship, freedom of choice and that people are good by nature. People want to feel valued and many find their purpose through doing their best work. I can't imagine what havoc the UBI (Universal Basic Income) would do to a man's self-worth and satisfaction if AI were to take all our jobs (it won't, but that's a topic for another day).

The problem is that most people mistake busyness for being productive.

Your inbox doesn't need checking every minute.

Being busy and being productive are not synonymous, yet they're often mistaken for the same thing. Busyness often involves doing a lot of effort without necessarily moving towards meaningful goals, while productivity is about efficiently achieving desired outcomes.

In the world of productivity, there’s a concept called the Eisenhower Matrix. It looks something like this:

Anything we co can be split up into Urgent and Non-Urgent, and Important vs. Not Important. The basic interpretation of the Eisenhower Matrix is that we should DELETE any work that’s not urgent and not important. We should DO stuff that’s urgent and important. We should SCHEDULE stuff that’s important but not urgent. And we should DELEGATE stuff that’s urgent and not important.

Don't throw your time to waste.

When you're false-starting a response the same, complex email for a couple of times, only to flag it back to unread, or watch the news about the same thing over and over again, you're not necessarily being productive. You're just empty busy and such chronic busyness can lead to a state of constant stress, triggering the body's fight-or-flight response and flooding the system with cortisol.

And if you're reading this, chances are - you still have some discretionary time. Unlike the poor.

I remember when during my uni years, I was working as a waitress in Cavendish No 5 and then Hakkasan's Sake No Hana in?St.?James's, and heard life stories of those Brazilian and other Latin American chefs and staff members working a couple of shifts a day with hopes to escape poverty and send some cash back home. (Those days, sending transfers via services like Western Union was even bigger daytime robbery than Poles taking mortgage in CHF ). I think the most shocking story was few guys who were renting the same, little room and rotating turns for sleep in the same bed, and they were working on different shifts.

It wasn't exactly slavery, but it was a classic case study of a time poverty phenomenon. A fucked up situation closely tied to economic inequality. Those working multiple jobs or long hours to make ends meet have less time for leisure, self-care, or personal development. So they may never make that career jump and work less for more money.

Nothing else matters

Those last two weeks and it made me reflect even harder on how I'm spending my time. I like to come back to The Tail End's article from Tim Urban, the Wait but Why guy.

I’ve been thinking about my parents, who are in their mid-60s. During my first 18 years, I spent some time with my parents during at least 90% of my days. But since heading off to college and then later moving out of Boston, I’ve probably seen them an average of only five times a year each, for an average of maybe two days each time. 10 days a year. About 3% of the days I spent with them each year of my childhood.

Last week I learned about passing of my high school friend.

I knew he was feeling down lately and I tried to be there for him, but he made much effort to reject me, and - as I now learned - other friends and family who wished him well.

He killed himself and his beloved dog, in June. And I only learned about it last week and I can't fully process what happened.

Then this week, people also learned about the tragic death of Mike Lynch and his friends and family off the Sicilian coast. He was very well known in tech community. While I've never personally met Mike, I've been connected with him on LinkedIn and invited him a couple of times to speak at our Girls in Tech events, so when I saw the news, it still hit me. I will not put off things that are really important and I won't be apologetic about my choices - spending time with the close ones while working on things that matter to me - even if it makes me a wimp in the eyes of those who hustle without taking a breath.

Because you never know, how much time you and they have left.