"Are you stupid?"

This was definitely NOT the response I was expecting to hear from my wife when I came home from work one night and told her a story about an insubordinate employee I had that day. But she was 100% correct. I’m going to give you the single best piece of advice about supervising people I ever received: You can’t make anyone do anything.

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The backstory: I had received my first promotion into supervision just a couple of months earlier and I was reviewing a report from someone on my team. There were a bunch of corrections that needed to be made in the report which I directed her to fix . After she looked at it, there were some corrections she didn’t want to make and proceeded to argue with me about it. I was stunned. For the non-police readers, you need to understand that policing in Canada is paramilitary in its structure and function, so unless it’s immoral, unethical, or illegal, you don’t get to question the direction, you just have to do it (although each police service varies in the degree to which they embrace top-down direction vs collaboration). I had been in policing for almost a decade at this point, and essentially telling a supervisor “No” was almost unheard of, and the fact that I was right made it even worse. ?As I continued to explain to her I was correct and how she needed to change it, she dug in her heels and doubled down on her refusal. Being new to supervision, I thought I needed to dominate the situation and exert my “authority” as a supervisor. As you can imagine, it did not have the intended effect. I was livid, and as voices on both sides became escalated, another member on my team interjected to tell us to take it easy, since it was just some minor issues to fix on a report.

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When I arrived home I told my wife what happened, expecting she would confirm how ridiculous my team member was and affirm my indignation. After recounting the story, and without missing a beat she says, “Are you stupid?”. Ummm, what? That's not the answer she was supposed to give. “But she was wrong!!!” I protested. She says, “Yes. She was. But why would you let yourself get drawn into an argument like that?”. I must have had a dazed and confused look on my face, so she continued, “Can you really make anyone do anything? If she refuses to do it, are you going to put a pen in her hand and write it for her?”. Since she’s not in policing, I think she’s painted herself into a corner so I press her as to what she would do. Again, without missing a beat, she says, “You tell her what needs to be changed, and lay out the consequences for her if she doesn’t. She either does it or she doesn't”. That’s when the light bulb went on. I realized I wasn't really that concerned about the report, I was angry she flouted my authority.

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The Lesson: You can't really make anyone do anything. If you are getting pushback, don't take it personally and don’t “assert your dominance”...everyone on the team already knows you are a supervisor. Remain calm (outwardly at least) and outline the expectations and requirements, and ensure they are aware of the potential consequences for non-compliance. Since that day I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used this technique. It’s usually quite disarming for the other team member, because they are often expecting push-back on your part. When you don’t fall into it, there isn’t much left to argue about and you are the one that stayed measured, calm, and professional. In the end, I've found people almost always comply, which is what you really wanted in the first place.

#supervision #policing #securitymanagement

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