Are You Struggling a Little—or a Lot?

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us…

Yes, that’s the opening of Charles Dickens’ classic book, A Tale of Two Cities. And, if you’re like many people reflecting on this year—2020—those juxtapositions written in 1859 feel relevant, timely, and pressing today.

How might 2020 be seen as “the best of times”? Perhaps you learned to bake bread, or finally stopped commuting, or got to connect with your kids on a deeper level.

And how might 2020 be seen as “the worst of times”? Let’s start here: global pandemic, economic crisis, racial discrimination, etc. (Need I go on?)

Believe it or not, both mindsets can be true for you at once. As F. Scott Fitzgerald famously wrote: “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”

So, what’s a mindset? A mindset is a set of beliefs, perspectives, or attitudes we hold that drive the way we handle situations—the way we think about what is going on and what we should do. And the mindsets we choose most often will drive how we feel, and what we do.

The good news is that mindsets are largely within our control. We can choose them—even if they seem like automatic thoughts. The bad news is that mindsets can be contagious—especially negative ones. The more we watch the evening news or read the newspaper or (distantly) socialize with people who constantly share their despair, frustration, and hopelessness, the more we’re likely to feel that way too.

That’s not to say we shouldn’t consume the news, or be empathetic listeners to friends and family. We should. And we also should recognize that we have the opportunity and agency to decide what we want to think or believe, which helps us feel better (or worse), and then has us act in ways that get us closer to (or further from) where we’d like to be.

For many of us, however, finding “the best of times” mindsets when we’re reminded multiple times a day that these are “the worst of times” can feel like an uphill mental and emotional battle. How do you discover an oasis of hope in a sea of despair? Borrow a practice from the virtual workshops I lead on building resilience and embracing uncertainly, where we create a “Mindset Marketplace”—and everything is free.

Here’s what we do: I ask participants to share a mindset they have—something they tell themselves—on a day when they’re feeling hopeful. Each person puts one or two mindsets in the chat box of our online platform. So, imagine that if there are 20 participants, there are at least 20 optimistic, hopeful, and helpful mindsets—and most of those mindsets are new to each participant. Then I open the “Mindset Marketplace,” where I ask participants to scroll up to the beginning of this section of the chat, and to shop for as many new mindsets they’d like to try on.

The good news about this marketplace is that: 1) everything is free; 2) it’s open 24 hours; and 3) the inventory doesn’t get depleted when someone buys something. Finally, I ask them to write them down so that they can access them as they need them, and to share (if they’re willing) whose mindsets they chose. (This also helps build an appreciative mindset!)

So who can you make a “Mindset Marketplace” with? Your work team, your family, your friends, a volunteer group – any group of people who are willing to share what beliefs they lean into on better days. (I’ve even done it as a Facebook post!)

To get you started, here are a dozen hopeful mindsets that you might try on for size, borrowed from a few of my “Mindset Marketplace” activities over the past several months.

1.     I have survived 100% of my hardest days.

2.     Be ready for the next opportunity, because it’s coming.

3.     While I can’t do everything, I can always do something.

4.     When one door closes, another door opens.

5.     “Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” –Ovid

6.     “We can do hard things.” –Glennon Doyle

7.     “I cannot do all the good that the world needs. But the world needs all the good that I can do.” ―Jana Stanfield

8.     “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” –Frederick Douglass

9.     “Whatever we believe about ourselves and our ability comes true for us.” –Susan L. Taylor

10.  "Each person must live their life as a model for others." –Rosa Parks

11.  “Growth and comfort do not coexist." –Ginni Rometty 

12.  “All things are difficult before they are easy.” –Thomas Fuller

I hope you find a new mindset that fits you perfectly when you need it the most.

Originally posted on Psychology Today

Deborah Grayson Riegel is a coach, speaker and author focused on presentation, communication and leadership skills. She is the CEO and Chief Communication Coach for Talk Support. She teaches Management Communication at Wharton and Executive Communication at the Beijing International MBA Program at Peking University, China. She is the proud author of the Udemy microlearning course, Smart Tips: Communication, which helps professionals at all levels build presentation skills, feedback skills, conflict management skills, and more. author of "Tips of the Tongue: The Nonnative English Speaker's Guide to Mastering Public Speaking" for global leaders who need to master the confidence, competence and cultural comfort of making presentations. She lives in New York with her husband, kids, and rescue dog, Nash, who loves her best.