You are stronger than you know!

In a famous old bollywood movie, the veteran actor Raj Kumar said "Khud hi ko kar buland itna ki har faisle se pehele, khuda bande se puchhe, bol... teri marzi kya hai"

For my non Hindi speaking friends, this line is loosely translated as below: Focus on strengthening yourself. So much so that even God would ask what you wish before making his decission.

Think about it, ofcourse there are so many things which happen to us humans, which are God's will and which we have no power over. But, one thing we can have power over is our selves. This is my favourite topic. Something which I have very consciously worked towards in my own life and have counselled hundreds of others who have seeked my guidance. In all those moments where you feel that you are trapped and have nothing in your control, remember, you always have complete control over yourself.

Take for instance an oppresses unschooled slave who became a famous orator, motivator and a womens right activist. Going on to become the first black female to have influenced many women to speak up for themselves and defend their rights. 'Sojourner Truth' is the name.

Then again, let us talk about a child with severe learning disability such as Dislexia, frequestly beaten up by his father, forced to change schools 14 times. Had a traumatic childhood as you can imagine and inspite of all these, fought on to become the most charming and successful actor of Hollywood. Yes, you guessed it right, it is 'Tom Cruise'.

I can go on but you get the idea. God decides your situation, and yet, you get to get past these and succeed if you have decided to do one thing... WORK ON YOURSELF, Make yourself stronger. So, in this article, I have explored the various parameters which you would need to consider in this journey of "Strengthening self"

• First and foremost ... Don't beat yourself up

At the cost of sounding elementary, I need to make this point. So many lives are wasted due to self inflicted guilt and self pity. Know that your very resolve to make things better, puts you in a different class of people. You are far better than many others whom you know. So, if you have a weakness, it is alright. You will succeed inspite of that. Do not waste so much time in trying and improving that one aspect of your personality that you forget all about the great strengths which you possess.

Never waste your talent by second guessing yourself!

• Make a commitment to yourself to consistently improve in the CRITICAL 4 DOMAINS

Making a commmitment to yourself probably is the most difficult of them all. We keep our promises to our bosses, parents, children, spouse, even friends. But keeping up a promise to self comes with the flipside of lack of accountability. So, I have suggested my clients who seem to slip up on self commitment, to have a partner who will make them accountable. In my book, "Discover your Mystique Edge" I have introduced the term ALEXA for your commitment partner. This can be anyone you trust is a hard task master. Your Alexa will point out if you do not follow your self development plan. As a professional coach, I have been Alexa to many others. I had an Alexa in my life earlier. In recent past, I have found that I am the hardest task master that I know of. Hence, I monitor my own progress. So, if you are someone who can be your own best critic whie not being too harsh on yourself, then you too can be work on this alone.

• THE CRITICAL 4 DOMAINS :

It is important to know that the 4 domains development help greatly, but it is a long term project. If you are expecting suddenly to become super successful and to have the world at your feet, you will be disappointed. While you master the 4 domains, you will have slow and gradual improvement in your work, relationships and happiness factors.

1. Physical Domain :

Ironically, every one knows which food, what excersize routine and what lifestyle is good for them, yet, people torture themselves. For a long time I knowingly skipped lunch and/ or had junk food to compensate. Did I not know this was wrong... of course I did. I did it anways. I have friends and clients who sleep late, wake up late, skip excersize, abuse alcohol, work late hours etc. etc. You might be one of this self torture group yourself. But it does not matter. What matters is that you have decided to put a simple routine to get stronger physically, and it requires no great skills to master this domain. Choose the right food, right lifestyle and right excersize routine... and keep at it!

*Keep aside 45 minutes every day to workout and consciously eat something nutritious

2. Intellectual Domain :

Did you know that if you do not keep stimulating your brain cells, you end up loosing them slowly? This is why the most intelligent of them loose relevance over time. They do not upgrade, do not read/watch/hear information other than what they already know. What was the last book you read which challenged you intellectually? When was the last time you played sudoku / chess / scrable or anything that forced you to think hard? Remeber, in your journey of strengthening yourself, your brain is your fuel. It is what is charging you constantly, but it is also what requires constant supply from outside, else you will feel used up and wasted sooner or later. instead of watching that reel or hearing that political news, choose to empower your brrain.

*Keep aside 30 minutes every day to read a book or solve a puzzle or do something that stimulates your brain

3. People Domain :

Human being is a social animal. I don't care if you are extrovert or introvert or ambivert, you cannot live without fulfilling interactions with other people. The difference lies only in numbers. If you are an introvert you will have fewer and deeper relationships. An extrovert will have many meaningful relationships. Whichever it is, it is vital to share feelings, listen, empathise and feel enriched by interacting with other people in your life. I knew someone who avoided deeper connections appearing arrogant but in reality he was simply afraid of getting hurt. The trouble is if you do not constantly work on the people domain, soon, you will find yourself lacking purpose in life. So, you might be nurturing relationship with a friend, your children, an aging parent, spouse, relatives, your support group members, business group members, every thing counts. Go ahead and listen, care, nurture every relationship which matters to you. And never for a second be afraid of being vulnerable. Because, being vulnerable means that you were immersed in the relationship...completely.

*Keep aside 20 to 30 minutes every day to work on your people domain. This might be phone calls, chats, face to face discussions with your people or anything which you do to strengthen your relationships.

4. Spiritual Domain :

Don't mistake this as religious domain. I would like you to think of spirituality as staying connected to a bigger purpose. For some, this is by religious chanting, some it is voluntary work, others it is meditaion, prayer, yoga... you have the whole spread. The most important thing is to every day remember what is most important to you and how that makes the world a better place. With that definition, a 5 minutes alignment excersize also counts as spirituality. At one point of my life when I was too busy to think of praying, chanting meditating etc., as I was juggling with kids, career, relationships, I had kept aside a 5 minutes time where I would scribble all my thoughts, eliminate the petty and meak stuff, take the decissions which are most important and then finally, allign them with my and the universe's purpose. If you do not constantly enrich your spiritual domain, then again, soon, you will find that all your work will start to feel superfluous to you. I was watching this video of Sadguru where he said at some point, when he googled "spirituality" the first search result was a spa in Nevada. Funny as it is, even today, when you ask people about spirituality, you will get mixed and abstract answers giving you religious, soul, atma, paramatma, inner peace etc. etc. What is your definition? you need to brainstorm on that. But whichever flavour of spirituality you decide, it must satisfy the criteria that you will identify a bigger purpose for yourself... and... your actions must be alligned to that purpose!

* Keep aside 10 to 15 minutes everyday to work on your spiritual domain.

• It is not done ..till you are done :

Final words of wisdom from side is that, this is one journey which does not end till you are alive. If you have chosen to make youself strong and handle your life that way, then you cannot quit. You cannot say, that right now I am too busy with work...so, I will do this later when I am free, or, I have small children / aging parents / sick relatives to take care, so I will do this later. NO, absolutely not. If you choose to "Strengthen Self" , then you have to be at it everyday.

In the above description of critical domains, you would have noticed that I have prescribed a period of 2 and a half hours to work on various activities which will make you stronger and keep you at your best. But, the most common excuse people give is that they work too hard, to be able to take out this time... Actually the reality is they work too hard because they do not take out this time.

I sincerely hope that you have atleast one take away from this and work on yourself. Needless to say, that is a part of my bigger purpose :)

Cheers!

Just in case I can be of help, I will gladly be.

https://www.mahuagorthi.com/contact-us.html