Are you 'stonewalling' yourself?

I know, some of you may have felt betrayed by a friend, or lover, or have had your heart broken. As these experiences happened, you began to build emotional walls to protect your heart. Over the time, your walls became taller, thicker, and stronger, and you discovered that the sting of being hurt wasn't as painful as being so lonely! Having a wall up also means not letting your other half in at all, no matter what. Therefore, you don't involve your partner in your decisions even in the most minimal way. When people are so used to being so much independent and doing things on their own, it's hard to make that shift of entering a partnership.

Men or women both build emotional walls that get in the way of productive communication are not a gender sensitive issue. Why to they come up with walls around them, both for men and women when angry, offended, stressed or disengaged. “A man's ego is as fragile as an egg in a woman's hands. One word is all it takes to crush it we all know!

Life is strange and keeps springing up surprises off and on! If you or someone you love has experienced trauma, voicing your needs or feelings is a significant risk. Often, people managing life after traumatic events feel vulnerable and start expressing their feelings which opens them up emotionally to additional pain or that fear of rejection.

You have observed that since recently that your best friend is unable to describe how is she feeling or rather he or she is not good at showing affection or receiving yours either, they keep changing the subject or make fun whenever you bring up something emotional related to relationships and they don't feel supported by you. There is a thing called as stonewalling, it is a defence-mechanism that is often activated whenever people feel threatened or unsure of how to respond to conflict in a relationship. People who use stonewalling may do so because they fear a negative outcome or as a learned behaviour pattern that they have been oft repeating right from childhood.

Is the sister of your best friend is feeling 'off guard'? If so when a guarded person has fallen out with her boyfriend, at first, she might start to confide in you, because each time she reveals something vulnerable, you open your arms and say, “I know what you are going through, and nothing could ever change that.” They easily fall in love with you in the way that you want someone to love you. You offer your best support and care to show empathy to go through the process of her withdrawal from that person and in turn become a soft target yourself.

On the other hand, whenever guys shut down communication, when they start to lose hope in being understood or really getting along with you. Soon after, he could potentially detach himself from you. Because its hard to be in love with someone and resent them at the same time. If you want your relationship to last, you need to learn how to talk to your man and get the thing out of him quickly because he won't open out like girls do.

Feelings may grow and/or change but I don't believe it happens overnight. It may seem that way but there is always a gradual occurrence of the changes that we feel. If you have lost feelings toward someone you genuinely loved, then it is more than likely stemming from something that has been changing for quite some time and not happened recently between the two of you.

Emotional availability in certain type of people who tend to be aloof and are feeling not able to sit with difficult, upsetting, or challenging emotions, both in yourself and in others, and to not run away from, dismiss, or attempt to minimise them. It means being able to be with that someone who is in pain and not trying to fix it somehow. They don't want to talk about their dating history because they're feeling lost and have never been in a relationship. They shy away from telling funny party stories because they don't have any. They're rather shy and socially distant and anxious to see social situations as more hazardous than they are.

Stonewalling is the refusal to communicate with someone. You will normally learn that it is commonly used by those high in narcissistic traits as a subtle form of manipulation. You are likely to be never again involved with another toxic partner or part of such an addictive or abusive relationship. Stonewalling and gas-lighting are two forms of negative behaviour patterns that happen in unhealthy relationships. Gas-lighting is an intentional form of emotional abuse used to gain power over the other person in the relationship.

Don't ever close your options once out of a broken relationship. When someone is in your life for a good reason, it is usually to meet a need you might have expressed. They have rather come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they help you build bridges rather than burning them. Look for such people who might show up surprisingly when you are feeling lost and are stonewalling yourself, they are those saviours who might lift you up from the emotional dumps and bring you back to live life fully.

Be positive and don't stonewall yourself!