Are you the “Star of the Show”?

During my teenage years, I aspired to be a professional musician.? At the time, I was an average vocalist… and a decent drummer.? I had fast hands, strong chops, and a taste for flashy complex rhythms and drum fills.??

Unfortunately, there was a problem… ?as an inexperienced drummer, I tended to “overplay”. ??My drumming was often (mercifully) described as “busy”.? ?I certainly “heard” the others in the band, but I wasn’t really “listening”.? I played way too much.? My style kept “me” interested … but that’s not what the song (or the band) needed.??

What was needed, was a drummer that kept a simple steady beat. ?Someone who could lay back, find the groove, and work with the others in the band.? You’d recognize this type of drumming if you heard it… (think any AC/DC song).?

The drummer shouldn’t interfere with the vocalist or other musicians. My job was to create a beat that made people want to dance.? (When you play music in a bar, you are a “beer salesperson”.? Your job is to keep people dancing - so they get thirsty… and buy drinks.).?

This was explained to me on more than one occasion by frustrated bandmates.? So, I’d tone it down for a few songs – maybe even for the rest of the night, but sooner or later, I’d slide back into my own style… way too busy, and essentially “soloing” all night long.? ?Big fun for me… not so much for anyone else.?? ??

In retrospect, I now recognize several issues:

• Maturity/Wisdom: I lacked the insight to understand the bigger picture and how I could best serve the situation (my “purpose” in that setting…).
• Egocentrism/Self-Centeredness: I failed to fully appreciate that I was part of something larger than myself.? I forgot I was there… to play for others.
• Insecurity: ?I worried about impressing everyone… and what they would think about me.? ?(News Flash: They really weren’t thinking about me - nor should they have been.)
• Moderation: I was failing to recognize that “less is often more”.?? ?
• Coach-ability: ?I was ignoring feedback -?and I lacked the discipline and accountability to change my behavior to better suit the band's desired outcome.?

The result?? My approach didn’t serve the song, the band… or my music career aspirations.

(No one likes working with a diva…) ??

Fast forward ten years - and at the ripe old age of 26, I became a Manager (Yay, me!!!)?

Now ideally - at this point, I would have reflected on my experience as a drummer, considered my tendencies, and looked for the learning/life lessons that I could have pulled forward to apply to my new opportunity. ??

Unfortunately, I was far from ideal. ?Rather than “over-playing”, I was then “over-managing”.??

(“Same sh!t, different day”)??

So, what did “over-managing” look like?

• Overusing my subject-matter expertise… and underusing my ability to lead - and work well with others.? (Think “micro-management”)
• Speaking too much, and listening too little…
• Making it “all about me” - My ideas, my opinions, my actions, my aspirations… Forgetting that my job was to provide leadership - for others.
• Still not being coachable - (It’s hard to learn - when you think you already know everything…)

(If my leadership had been music, I would’ve been making a lot of noise… but no one would have been able to dance to it!)??

The good news is - over time (...an unfortunately long time), I finally began to understand my role as a leader. (It would seem that with continued feedback, coaching, and reflection… we can sometimes figure things out.??That is - If we’re deliberate, and we listen intently.)

To further torture the musical metaphor, we come to realize:

• You play “for the song”.
• Solos get boring… fast.
• You are part of a group. ?Even if you are the leader, you still need to listen to the other musicians, and work to create something you simply can’t deliver all by yourself.
• Incredible skills and abilities are great… but “no one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care”.
• It’s never "all about you"! You need to check your ego at the door, create room for others to shine... and keep the audience dancing.

So, is it time to share the spotlight?

#emotionalintelligence #leadership #humanresources #motivation