"You Speak good English for a Black Girl"- Dealing with microaggression at the workplace

A microaggression is a?subtle, often unintentional, form of prejudice. Rather than an overt declaration of racism or sexism, a microaggression often takes the shape of an offhand comment, an inadvertently painful joke, or a pointed insult. For example, a person from my previous workplace once commented that 'You speak good English for a black girl.'

I know we have all experienced microaggression at the workplace. It's a bit unsettling and because it's so subtle you can't necessarily report it or do much about it. I entered the big corporate world into a junior marketing role. Yes that was me, a small girl with BIG DREAMS! I was a fresh, inexperienced junior with just book knowledge and a bit of street smarts. We worked in a large marketing team with multiple lines of reporting, and of course, the juniors were way down on the food chain.

Because you are junior and inexperienced, you feel that you can be spoken to and treated anyhow. But I know now, this is far from the truth! A very senior executive who I sometimes reported to, would say snide remarks about the way I walked, how I dressed and how smart I was for a 'black girl' or how 'you are not like the rest of them'. At which I would sheepishly grin or nervously laugh to cover my nervousness or embarrassment away.

I didn't know how to deal with such commentary and would often ask myself; I am doing something wrong? Have triggered this kind of reaction? But little did I know, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. Most people may behave this way unintentionally. They believe they haven't said/done anything wrong. If asked about it they would probably say;'...but that's not what I meant...'

To prevent yourself from being the micro-aggressor or making a friend, family member or colleague feel this way, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

1. Is what I am saying going to build or destruct a person's emotions/mental wellbeing?
2. Can I put myself in their shoes, and feel empathy towards their situation or circumstance?
3. Am I equipped enough to have an opinion about their life experiences, skills or capabilities?

Once you've answered these questions you'll find yourself in a far better position to be kinder and more considerate. It takes practise and can be harder for some than others. My advice would be; stay aware and present, should an issue of micro-aggression arise, be sure to apologize and try to understand the next person's perspective.

If you are dealing with issues of microaggression from a colleague or your boss or even a family member or friend, it can become difficult to address. Here are a few ways you could use to possibly help address the issue:

1. Calmly address the person: tell them how you feel in a cool, calm and collected way. Try to get your message, in a clear way that makes them understand your viewpoint.
2. Consider taking time away: if the conversation gets too heated or you feel yourself getting emotional, take some time to cool down and address it once you're more settled.
3. Practice self-care: as the saying goes 'hurt people, hurt people' and so if the issue persists and the other person, refuses to acknowledge their wrongdoing. Practice some self care by going to counselling, doing positive affirmations and breathing exercises. This will keep you from harbouring those negative emotions.

Mircoaggression is a real issue in the workplace and often overlooked as it isn't as overt as bullying and other forms of abuse. But let us try to be more cognizant of our behaviours, attitudes and words towards others. Whether you are the victim or the perpetuator, try to be a bit considerate for the next person and try to walk a day in their shoes.

You'll find that, we are more the same, than we are different, the only thing we lack is empathy towards each another.

Should you want to talk or share your story regarding the topic, feel free to pop me a direct message. I am here to lend an ear.

***disclaimer: I am not a qualified professional within this field, the above shared article is an opinion piece based on my own lived experiences and learnings. Should you have professional related queries/issues. Kindly reach out to a qualified professional.

Love and Light,

Rosaria