You are someone's after

Many of us have certain kinds of social media posts or news stories that make us feel worse than others, but I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon: we almost universally compare up rather than down.

We compare ourselves with the svelte fitness influencer, the person with the stunning kitchen renovation, or the family that just went on the three week safari in Kenya, and feel lacking. We don’t compare ourselves with the billions of people worldwide who don’t do any of that.

That’s human nature, but when you recognize it, you can also recognize that there is no doubt something in your life that would be a goal for someone else. Maybe you don’t even think about it much, but you are someone’s “after” — the state they are working hard to achieve.

For instance, perhaps you are in the happy place of adding to your net worth. It’s not billions, but it’s a number in the positive territory. That is a goal for millions of people struggling to get out of debt. You already are the financial after.

Or maybe you’re pretty happy with your job. You like your co-workers. You get to work on interesting problems. You have a reasonable work/life balance and get paid enough to support your family. There are all sorts of people who endure much anxiety as they try to change careers to get to this place of contentment. You are their career after.

Or maybe you exercise regularly. As such, you take certain things for granted, like being able to run a mile, or being able to touch your toes. Plenty of people who are just starting on their fitness journeys would love to be there already. That is true whether any of us look like the photos in those traditional “after” shots or not.

The point of this is not to feel better than anyone else. It is simply to think about life, and think about how many good things don’t even register, just because they are so ingrained that they seem easy. If you don’t smoke, you never have to struggle with that New Year’s resolution to quit smoking! Clearly, for many people these easy things are not easy at all. When you remember that you are already someone’s after, you can approach daily life with a far greater sense of gratitude.

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