You are not YOU

I’ve come to realize something profound: the “me” I thought I was isn’t real. It’s just a version of myself created by my mind. This version, driven by ego, jealousy, ambition, and a craving to be the best, isn’t truly me. It’s a mask I’ve worn for so long that I mistook it for my true self.

Think about it. I worked hard in school, pushed myself in my career, and chased dreams of making a difference—all because my mind had created an image of "Sikieng Sok" This Sikieng wanted success, admiration, and to prove herself to the world. But all along, I wasn’t living my real life. I was living through the desires and cravings of my mind, mistaking them for my own. I was stressed along the way to chase all of this nonsense.

The mind is a powerful tool, capable of incredible creativity, problem-solving, and connection. But it can also be a source of illusion, convincing us that its anxieties, fears, and ambitions are inherently ours. It creates problems, then scrambles to find solutions, making us believe we are the ones struggling.

Here’s the biggest illusion: the belief that I, Sikieng Sok, am a separate, fixed person. That belief is the root of all my troubles. Let me explain it differently.

Imagine I’m painting a portrait of myself. I pour all my energy into perfecting it, making it beautiful and admired by others. But then, one day, I realize—I am not the portrait. My mind created “Sikieng Sok” and I’ve spent my whole life trying to perfect that creation. But that creation isn’t who I truly am.

And because I believed I was the portrait, every stroke, every scratch, every imperfection felt personal. Every breakup, failure, or disappointment wasn’t just an event—it was something that happened to “me.” I became like a puppet, controlled by life’s circumstances. No matter how much I meditated, went to therapy, or tried to “fix” myself, I was still trapped because I kept clinging to this false self. It’s like trying to untangle a necklace that’s still tied around your neck—you can’t free it until you take it off.

The truth is, Sikieng Sok is just a persona my mind created. That is not me. So, who am I?

It’s far more important to understand who I am not. By stripping away everything I am not, the truth of who I am begins to emerge.

I am not my body—they change constantly. For example, millions of cells in our body are renewed every minute, so by the end of seven years, none of the cells in our body are the same. Cells come and go. So, am I my body? Evidently not.

I am not my name, my careers, my beliefs, or even my religion—all of these can change without altering the essence of who I am.

Who I really am is the stillness beneath the thoughts, the awareness that observes without judgment. It's a sense of wholeness that exists beyond the stories I tell myself. When I began to understand this, something shifted. Life’s challenges still come, but they no longer hit me as deeply because they’re not hitting “me.” They’re just events happening in the world. Life doesn’t happen to you, and it doesn’t happen for you. Life just happens as it is. The belief that life happens to or for you stems from the ego, which frames everything around this false identity.

However, this doesn't mean we should completely disown our "portrait" or neglect the mind's valuable functions. The mind is a crucial tool for navigating the world, learning, creating, and connecting with others. It's about recognizing the ego's influence and choosing how we respond to its promptings, rather than being blindly driven by them.

Self-discovery is an ongoing process. It means being aware of yourself, reflecting on your thoughts and actions, and questioning what you believe about who you are. By embracing this understanding, I can approach life with more presence and authenticity. I'm less concerned with external validation and more focused on what truly matters to me. This allows me to move through life with greater clarity, compassion, and freedom.

__________

?? If you enjoyed this article, explore more of my writings here: stressfreeliving.substack.com