Are You Shoulding Yourself?

How many times do you find yourself saying this:

?? "I should have done that differently."

?? "I should be further along in my career by now."

?? "I should have a partner by this age."

?? "I should be more productive and accomplish more."

?? "I should be more like [insert name of successful person]."

?? "I should be more disciplined with my diet/exercise/finances, etc."

?? "I should conform to societal expectations and norms."

?? "I should prioritize what others want over what I want."

?? "I should be perfect and not make mistakes."

?? "I should meet the expectations of my family/friends/culture."

If it's a "yes," you are SHOULDING yourself! ????

But just because I said you are, doesn't mean you are really. Keep reading to find out if you really are!

Have you ever felt like you're constantly trying to meet external expectations and live up to societal norms?

If that's a yes, you might be caught in the trap of "shoulding" yourself.

To help you further, let's explore the signs that you might be "shoulding" yourself and the impact it can have on your well-being.

1?? Feeling Guilt or Shame: If you often feel guilty or ashamed for not meeting perceived expectations, or if you feel like you're falling short of what you "should" be doing or achieving, it could be a sign that you're "shoulding" yourself.

You might be putting undue pressure on yourself to conform to external standards, which can lead to feelings of guilt or shame when you don't measure up.

Example: Feeling guilty for not pursuing a traditional career path or ashamed for not meeting societal expectations of success based on external markers, such as money or status.

2?? Constantly Seeking Approval: If you find yourself constantly seeking approval or validation from others, and basing your self-worth on external feedback, it could be a sign that you're "shoulding" yourself.

You may be seeking external validation to validate your choices or actions, rather than trusting your own judgment and internal sense of worth.

Example: Seeking approval from others for major life decisions, such as relationships or career choices, instead of following your own desires and intuition.

3?? Feeling Stuck or Unfulfilled: If you feel stuck in a cycle of meeting external expectations, but not truly fulfilling your own desires or aspirations, it could be a sign that you're "shoulding" yourself. You may be prioritizing external expectations over your own authentic path, which can lead to a sense of emptiness or unfulfillment.

Example: Pursuing a career or lifestyle that you're not truly passionate about, solely because it's expected by others or society, and feeling unfulfilled despite external achievements.

4?? Difficulty Making Decisions: If you find it challenging to make decisions or feel paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice, it could be a sign that you're "shoulding" yourself. You may be overly concerned with making the "right" decision based on external expectations, rather than tuning into your own desires and making choices that align with your true self.

Example: Struggling to make choices about your own life, such as career, relationships, or personal interests, because of the fear of not meeting external expectations or "shoulds."

5?? Ignoring Your Own Needs: If you consistently prioritize the needs and desires of others over your own, and neglect self-care or self-compassion, it could be a sign that you're "shoulding" yourself. You may be putting the needs of others or societal norms above your own well-being, which can lead to neglecting your own needs and losing touch with your authentic self.

Example: Neglecting your own physical or mental health, interests, or boundaries because you feel obligated to meet external expectations or please others.

By becoming aware of these signs, you can start to challenge and overcome external expectations, prioritize your own authentic path, and live a more fulfilling, empowered life based on your own values and desires.

But how to begin? Read the full blog here to take action if you are shoulding yourself often!