Are You SHOULD'ing on People?

AHA: "Your best teacher is your last mistake." - Ralph Nader:

ANECDOTE: Years ago, I had the privilege of working for Rod Laver (one of the greatest tennis players of all time.) The day after our national tennis camp, Rod asked if I’d like to “hit for a bit,” his way of rewarding me for weeks of hard work.

Rocket (his nickname) made me work for every point, running me side to side.

Finally, he (intentionally?) hit a weak lob, which set me up for an easy overhead.

In my eagerness, I committed a cardinal sin and looked where I was going to PUT the ball instead of keeping my eyes ON the ball.

Well, I didn’t just mishit the ball — I took a mighty whiff and missed it entirely.

It was so embarrassing, I started should-ing all over myself, “I should have kept my head up. I know better than that! What a stupid mistake.”

Rod, known for his sportsmanship, called me over and said something so profound, I remember it to this day:

“Sam, champions never use the word SHOULD. If they make a mistake, they immediately switch their attention to how to get it right the next time.”

He’s right.

The word SHOULD serves no good purpose, as it usually pertains to the past.

Do you know anyone who can undo the past?

Which is why, from now on when someone makes a mistake (and that includes you), follow Rocket’s advice.

Focus on how to get it right NEXT time instead of getting upset with yourself (or others) for getting it wrong THIS time.

This is the difference between being a CRITIC - and a COACH.

As my dad used to tell me, "You can't motivate someone to do better by making them feel bad."

Using the words "Next time," "from now on," "In the future are the key to SHAPING performance instead of SHAMING it.

Making this one simple change to your communication can improve almost every relationship you have - at work, at home, in public and online.

ACTION: Have you recently "should'ed" all over someone?

If so, how about giving yourself (and others) a little grace?

Print out our helpful WORDS TO LOSE - WORDS TO USE infographic and post it by your laptop or desk, and on your refrigerator.

Keeping these WORDS TO USE (from my Talking on Eggshells book) in-sight, in-mind can help you remember - in the heat of the "mistake moment" -to be a COACH, not a CRITIC so you're SHAPING behavior instead of SHAMING it.