You Should Care.

Over the last year and a half, I’ve been privileged enough to sit in spaces and participate in conversations centering around diversity, equity, and inclusion in a corporate setting across various firms. While these conversations are never easy, they are critical and necessary to have in the workplace. Across these spaces, there seems to always be a common thread in these conversations that I want to take time and address in this post, because I think it’s important that we talk about it. ?

“Do I need to care about this and if so, why? I show up to do my job, not to know about my colleagues’ lives.”

Sure, that’s a good point – after all, a job is based on the work you’re doing, not the coworkers you’re with. But, if we’re being honest with ourselves, it’s inevitable that when you spend so much time together, that you’re going to learn about who your coworkers are outside of work. You’ll learn about their partners, families, hobbies, interests, and so much more.

We do this because as humans, we’re relationship oriented – whether we realize it or not. We want to know the people we are surrounding ourselves with, and that means nurturing a baseline of care and support.

So, yes, we should care.

But why?

The simple answer is that we show up at our workplace for a minimum of forty hours a week and we shouldn’t have to shelf any aspect of who we are to make others more comfortable. While this might seem like a solid answer, it’s a little over simplified.

While I hate this next point, because it makes me feel less like a human and more like a cog in the corporate machine, I recognize that it’s also a necessary vantage point of why we should care about the lives of our colleagues. You see, if folks cannot feel safe and connected at work, that’s going to impact the quality of work being done. The investment and buy-in, or lack thereof, from your staff is going to hurt the business in the long run. No way would someone want to show up and give their 100% to a firm that only allows them to be 60% of their authentic self. There are plenty of studies out there that show the cost (literally and metaphorically) to a business when there is no psychological safety in the workplace for employees – just hit google up to find them (they’re actually fascinating to read)!

On the other hand, the more important reason comes down to basic human decency. Don’t we want our peers to feel like the workplace is theirs to claim, too? To feel like they belong and are welcomed to share with us who they are? After all, don’t we want that for ourselves? I think deep down, we all do, but we let lack of knowledge, and fear of the unknown, overtake our rational thoughts and allow for the creation of division and, for a lack of better words, bigotry.

Every Monday thousands of people ask their coworkers, “how was your weekend? What did you do?” and if straight coworker says, “I went on a date with this great guy!” and then proceed to have a ten-minute conversation about said date, your queer coworker should be able to do the same. They shouldn’t have to hide that they also had a date with a guy, simply because being openly gay in the workplace could “ruffle feathers.”

I recognize that I’m approaching this through a biased lens, as an openly gay man, but it’s not just with our queer coworkers that we should be concerned about making sure they feel included. This stretches to our BIPOC staff members, our female staff members, and really all those who identify within marginalized identity groups. We should all have a seat at the proverbial table, or in corporate speak – an invite to the water cooler, and we must be intentional with what we do and say to make that happen.

So, what do we do? How do we make sure that we are creating spaces for these teammates to feel safe?

We create Employee Resource Groups.

These groups are targeted towards specific identities (BIPOC, LGBTQ+, LatinX, etc.) to be able to come together in an intentional time and space to create community. These spaces help us to feel less alone in the workplace. It’s a space where we don’t have to feel “othered” or as if we don’t fit in with the norm, because here, we are the norm.

It’s in these spaces that we see walls come down and community flourish. The people involved find a community here that is so sacred and beautiful that it helps to empower them to be who they are – especially in the context of the workplace. Having these spaces available to staff members is what helps people to feel like they belong, and when you spend 40+ hours a week at work, isn’t that a great accomplishment? This feeling of belonging – of true teamwork and community – is what has the power to make the workplace a vibrant space to be in.

And yet, here we are with teammates who are uncomfortable with the creation of groups to support our teammates. Why is that? What about creating space for those with marginalized identities makes someone feel so strongly? At the end of the day, shouldn’t we want all employees to feel important, connected, and as if they belong?

Again, I think this comes down to the lack of knowledge and the presence of fear. I want nothing more than to sit with someone and have a 1:1 conversation with them about their worries and why supporting ERGs seems so detrimental. And when conversations can’t be had, then it’s providing resources or launching pads for staff to do their own research and learn more about these groups. There are incredible resource libraries that companies have put together for their teams to use to help guide them on places to start as they seek to learn more about those who are different from them.

I think back to my time in higher education and having a white student from a small town in Texas use a racial stereotype towards a Black man without knowing it. When I pulled him aside to talk about it, I found out that this was the first Black man he’d ever met in real life (which was mind-blowing to me!) and he didn’t mean any harm in what he said, so it gave us a chance to talk about how stereotypes are harmful and what “intent vs. impact” means. From that day on, he was more cognizant and aware of his words and did some great learning on his own about Black culture.

It’s examples like this that show how a lot of us could benefit from a simple conversation with someone. However, there’s an inherent danger that comes from this, because if I’m not mentally prepared or emotionally ready to handle someone talking to me about why they “hate gays,” then that could really impact me in a negative way. So, please don’t interpret this as an invite to go up to any person in a marginalized group/identity and say, “I don’t agree with you because xyz, and you should tell me why I should change my mind.” This is why I would suggest using those resource libraries I mentioned above and then going from there.

Allowing ourselves space to grow as humans and to take in the lived experiences of our peers will help us to better learn and understand why we should care. Once we know better, we do better. Again, it comes down to basic human decency. We can disagree on things, for sure, but we must remember to do it with a sense of mutual respect and understanding. Our disagreements shouldn’t show up in the workplace and cause harm to our colleagues, nor should they stop the creation of spaces being built to create support structures for others.

Next time you wonder why you should care about your team and the creation (and continued support) of employee resource groups, consider asking yourself this: “if I was (insert identity/community group), would I feel fully supported and included right now at work?” Perhaps that question will lead you down the road of learning and growing.

You should care, and I hope you do care.

Your people are counting on it.