You should care less !

I hear, time and again people, clients, friends, complaining that they should care less.

They've been told that they "should care less", HR told them "they should care less" , their managers told them "they should care less" and they see people around them not caring much or not at all ...

So ... what's wrong with them ?!!

Are they weak ? Not strong enough ? Do they lack some skills ? The special "not caring skill when you care " ...skill ? When will LinkedIn or Coursera provide such a training ?

When things turn for the worse, which things tend to do once in a while, especially when almost no one cares, and because you care, "too much", you feel upset, deeply upset...

And then you feel upset with yourself, for being upset. After all the others barely felt a thing when it all went wrong.

And you can't really let go, at least not like the others.

Let me break it to you

How do you get over a loved one ? Someone you deeply cared about ? Is there that much difference between the idea of a person and the persona of an idea ? A purpose, a cause ?

When we fall in love we get a special deal: the hopes and dreams, the excitements and the personal growth, the sharing, and engaging. Yet, as with many things (not all things of course), at times it ends, not the way we wanted, and because we care, because we couldn't do it any other way than caring, we hurt.

So take time, be kind to your sense of caring. It's called values, convictions, drive, passion, integrity, and a source of true learning. A certain vision of #leadership.

Change-makers care and it hurts them at times, deeply, but the ones who do not reject this intense discomfort, will remain their true selves.

So what ? Well, here are a few things

1. Reality is a bitch: Buckle up, emotions are there to be felt, the courage is there to have them, welcome them, and gently take in what was and is no more. Negative emotions are as good as positive emotions; they are part of life. A full life at least. #PersonalGrowth
2. Pump Down the Volume: You can choose to tune down a little bit the intensity of feeling these emotions at times, #Mindfulness is a good tool for this, not the least to witness those thoughts that won't bring you towards your long-term goals, your mission, your values. Choose wisely.
3. With altitude comes perspective: Once the tsunami is past, the emotions were felt, and you decided to have the courage to feel how much you care, to be vulnerable, but now you don't hurt as much, that's when you'll see the opportunities going forward. They are bright, I tell you.
4. Show yourself Gratitude, no one else might: you can choose to recognise a few things also. You cared for something that was important to you. You fought and maybe you lost, but you fought. Seeing that in a friend you'd be deeply proud of him or her. Be proud of yourself for caring and fighting for things that matter to you, things worth fighting for, things that are bigger than you are. #SelfCompassion

So...

You are right to care,

We should all care,

I care.

Two quotes for the road:

"Everybody loses battles, wars are won by people who care. " — Sun Tzu, Niccolò Machiavelli, or my butcher, I'm not sure ...

And

"Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage." — Brené Brown, Rising Strong: The Reckoning.

#PersonalGrowth #SelfCompassion

Credits:

• Picture: An artificial, yet helpful mind.
• Text: A walking, breathing, loving, yet at times not so helpful human mind.
• My clients and friends whose humanity inspires me, to say the least.

For a free non-binding first coaching session with me or to inquire about my services you can schedule a Zoom call via my Agenda :