You Should Almost Never Burn Bridges

Every relationship that you welcome into your life will have an impact on you.

Some of those impacts will be immediately tangible, but others may come long after the connection has faded. You might think that this person is not playing a useful role in your life, but in retrospect that may well have flipped a switch that sent you on an entirely different (and more productive path). Sometimes the lights simply take a while to flicker on.

Unfortunately, the nature of our lives means that we are limited in terms of the amount of people that we can let into our lives. We only have so much time to accomplish our goals and this means that we are constantly making decisions about our companions along our journey.

One year, a certain individual might be critical for our plans, but the next year their importance might fade. This is dictated by all sorts of circumstances, and it is entirely natural that people will come into and out of our lives.

One of the key considerations is how we treat people when they fade out.

If we take the attitude of “that’s it, I don’t need you anymore” then we are essentially consigning a period of our lives to the scrapheap. All the energy, the achievements, and shared communication are lost as the bridge burns down and the relationship is irrevocably damaged. If you “break up” badly, it is unlikely that you will ever work together again, although in actual fact there is not objective reason why you shouldn’t.

When you grow apart, there is a risk that one or both parties might take it personally. An emotional disconnect can all too easily develop and logic is shrouded by feelings of rejection and anger.

It is often the case that the writing is on the wall long before relationships go their separate ways. Too many people ignore the inevitable up until the last moment, but it would be far healthier if there were discussions about the situation together with a common realisation that it isn’t quite working as intended anymore.

It’s not me, it’s not you, and it’s just the circumstances.

External influences can change, and while we stay the same, it is eminently possible that relationships might be rekindled when things change. You can’t know someone so well to step into their heads, but you can be sure that they will have their reasons for wanting to cool things.

You simply have to respect them and move on, confident in the knowledge that maybe one day your paths will cross again.

With the rise of social media, it is an incredibly small world. People are working longer, and working with more people across wider geographies, so it is likely that you will never totally fade off their radar.

When you have dedicated even a small part of your life to a certain person, they will always have their place inside you, somewhere.

If you burn the bridge, that place won’t come with very good memories.

The more than you have returned to previous relationships and rekindled that spark, the more you will be aware that it is possible. Look people up, ask how they are doing, offer to help them in any small way and you will soon find out whether there might be an opportunity to make a difference in each other’s lives again. There is little more rewarding than warming up a previously good relationship – you already know what you are going to get and you have a very solid foundation to build on.

Some bridges, however, do have to be left far behind you, and sometimes even burnt.

You won’t get on fantastically with everyone, you will never be everyone’s cup, and if that personal spark was never there from the start, then it is foolish to expect it to miraculously appear at the second attempt. Going back to relationships that didn’t work the first time is a sign of regret of one's actions or desperation. Going back to good relationships that cooled due to circumstances outside of your control is the sign of a rational and productive mind.

It all comes down to choice and judgement.

We can’t seek out new relationships all the time. There are only a finite number of good people out there, and to me, choosing to work with an old friend is far more interesting than stepping into the unknown of a new relationship.

Burning bridges rarely makes sense. If the relationship was poor, then why waste your energy on it any more. If the relationship was good, then why not leave the door slightly ajar for the future?