Are You Setting Appropriate Boundaries?

We live with devices that keep us in touch with the world 24/7. We have a 24-hour news cycle available from numerous outlets. Depending on your political persuasion, you can choose which news you even want to hear. Lately, it feels like we are bombarded at every turn. It is hard to keep up with everything that is going on.

With that said, it occurs to me that at some point, we must set our own boundaries, and I include myself in that. It may be time for me to turn the TV off. I may need to set the phone aside for a day or two. I need a break.

You may feel similarly bombarded with demands from work. Employers seem to believe that now that you have those devices on all the time, it is okay to contact you at any time of the day or night...on the weekends even...it doesn't matter. If it is on their mind, they feel free to dump it into an email or memo, and now it's on your to-do list.

I don't know about you, but it feels like it's time to take a deep breath and take a break. It may also be time to examine the importance of setting better boundaries.

Boundaries are important, and we need to respect them, both for ourselves and others. Do you have trouble saying, "no" to your boss or your significant other or your children or your parents? Are there people in your life who refuse to take "no" for an answer?

The thing is that it is up to you to set your own boundaries for yourself. No one will do it for you. You must respect yourself enough to say, "Here is what I am willing to do and here is what I am unwilling to do."

Brené Brown says,“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

If you wait too long before setting appropriate boundaries, you set yourself up. You begin to feel unappreciated and misunderstood. Many of the teachers I work with feel over-worked and under appreciated. It is in part because they have failed to set appropriate boundaries. Because they are caring and nurturing people, they want to do what they can.

The trouble starts when they are expected to do more than they can. They begin to feel "used and mistreated." The next thing you know, burnout sets in.

Teachers are not the only victims of this, of course. We all struggle with setting proper and appropriate boundaries at work and home. It is the rare human being who has figured that out in every relationship. Even if you manage to set up proper boundaries in one arena, you may have trouble in another.

So, what do you do? First, get in touch with your feelings. Do you agree to things you don't want to do? If so, why? Is it to avoid criticism from others? Do you value their opinion of yourself over your own?

Consider your personal and professional boundaries. You get to set those for yourself. No one but you can. Your boss and others will take advantage of your good nature for as long as they can. Why shouldn't they? It is up to you to say "no" and not make excuses for it.

Being an adult is hard. Sometimes you have to make yourself do things you don't want to do. Being courageous enough to look out for yourself is one of them. When you were a kid, your parents had that job. Now it is yours.

Set appropriate boundaries for yourself at work and home. You will be glad you did.

Need help in this area? Why not try out a 20-minute complimentary Discovery Session? Just click here for my calendar.

Are you feeling stressed? I am the author of an e-book that is available for free here: Stressed, Stretched, and Just Plain Overwhelmed: A Guide to Managing Your Stress and Creating a Greater Sense of Work-Life Balance. 

I provide workshops on stress management for educators and for busy professionals who need to learn how to better manage the stress in their lives.

I am also a Career Transition & Job Search Coach. I offer career coaching, counseling, and job search advice for burned out teachers and mid-career professionals.

Click here to check out my website at TeachersinTransition.com or KittyatCareerMakeover.CoachesConsole.com for more information.