"If You See This, I’m Not Coming"

Michelle Obama said it without saying it: I’m not coming. In choosing not to attend Donald Trump’s upcoming inauguration, the former First Lady is sending a powerful message about boundaries, dignity, and resistance.

This decision is about more than breaking with tradition. It’s about disrupting the systems and expectations that too often force marginalized people—especially Black women—to endure harm in the name of appearances.

White Supremacy and the Burden of Tradition

Presidential inaugurations are steeped in tradition, but traditions are not inherently neutral. Many of the customs that appear ceremonial on the surface are rooted in the tenets of white supremacy: perfectionism, the worship of the written tradition, and an obsession with appearances. These tenets demand that individuals—particularly those from historically marginalized groups—put the comfort of others ahead of their own well-being.

Michelle Obama’s refusal to participate is a direct challenge to these dynamics. By stepping away, she rejects the idea that unity must come at the expense of personal values and self-preservation. Her decision says loud and clear: I will not lend credibility to a system that has caused harm to me and my community.

This is a key tenet of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI)—recognizing and dismantling the systems that perpetuate harm while reimagining spaces that center humanity, authenticity, and justice.

The Power of “No” in DEI Work

Saying “no” is a radical act for those who have been conditioned to say “yes” for survival. In DEI work, we often examine the unspoken rules that demand compliance and silence from marginalized groups. These rules are upheld by systemic forces, such as white supremacy culture, which values productivity, tradition, and control over well-being, equity, and inclusion.

Michelle Obama’s choice to say “no” is a masterclass in resisting these systems. It demonstrates:

1. The importance of rejecting perfectionism: She doesn’t owe anyone her presence to maintain a “perfect” display of unity.
2. A rejection of tradition as sacred: Just because it’s always been done doesn’t mean it must continue, especially when it serves inequity.
3. The prioritization of humanity over symbolism: Her absence centers her lived experience and the emotional labor Black women are constantly asked to perform.

Rest as a Form of Liberation

Movements like the Nap Ministry remind us that rest is not laziness—it’s liberation. White supremacy culture glorifies overwork, sacrifice, and endurance, particularly for those from marginalized groups. Rest and refusal are often viewed as acts of defiance because they disrupt the expectation that we must always perform, conform, or serve.

Michelle Obama’s choice to remain absent is a form of rest. It’s a deliberate decision to protect her peace, dignity, and energy—an act of self-preservation that aligns with the Nap Ministry’s ethos. When she steps away from spaces that don’t align with her values, she’s modeling what it looks like to reclaim rest and disrupt systems that demand our perpetual presence without care for our humanity.

Whose Comfort Are We Protecting?

Michelle Obama’s absence forces us to ask critical questions about power and equity:

• Whose comfort does tradition serve? Presidential inaugurations are framed as unifying, but for whom?
• Who carries the burden of tradition? Black women, in particular, are often expected to shoulder the emotional labor of unity, even in spaces that actively harm them.
• What does true equity require? It requires rejecting systems that perpetuate harm, even when they’re masked as ceremony or decorum.

Lessons for Us All

Michelle Obama’s decision to reclaim her time is an example of radical self-preservation. It echoes the Nap Ministry’s call to reimagine rest not as laziness, but as liberation. Saying “no” is about more than stepping away; it’s about stepping into alignment with your principles and recognizing the value of your presence—and absence.

In politics, workplaces, and personal relationships, the pressure to conform can be overwhelming. But as Michelle Obama shows us, opting out can be the most powerful statement of all. Traditions only hold power if we allow them to, and participation is never the price of progress.

What Comes Next

As we watch history unfold without her on that stage, Michelle Obama’s absence will remind us all that boundaries are necessary, even in the most public of spaces. Her choice tells a bigger story about equity, authenticity, and the importance of saying “no” when the situation demands it.

Because sometimes, reclaiming your rest is the most revolutionary act of all.

About Jasmine Fluker

Jasmine Fluker is a dynamic leader, strategist, and storyteller with over a decade of experience driving transformative change at the intersections of equity, leadership, and community. As the Founder of The Pivotal Paradigm Project, Jasmine has redefined how organizations approach diversity, equity, and inclusion through innovative strategies and community-driven solutions.

Jasmine is also the creator of Equity Insights with Jas and The Equity Edit, two influential newsletters that spark thought-provoking discussions, amplify underrepresented voices, and inspire meaningful action. Her expertise spans strategic planning, DEI coaching, and community organizing, all rooted in a deep commitment to fostering collective liberation and human-centered leadership.

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