To be or Not to be You-Second Clinic day in Kenora

Privileged to be invited into the apartment of   a young lady, Ojibway; diagnoses  of Complex Post -Traumatic Stress Disorder and Poly-Substance Abuse. She speaks  with authenticity. No need to pretend. We did  know that she is less than perfect . Quickly, concepts of harm reduction temporize my soul. This   allows me to listen with compassion. She gifts me that in the first two minutes . It's on  the table, a small kitchen table, at which we sit.

Poly-substance abuse sounds frightening , but it is not.  Alcohol and mostly weed  now ; crack cocaine and crystal meth are nowhere to be seen . She disarms me with her honesty. I breath easily ,.I am gong to enjoy this and do something right ; with her , rather than to her.

She is beautiful. Her smile is contagious .She loves to dance without  a coat. At least she is alive . The staff at Lifes Journey in Winnepeg would throw a party , complete with a cake . I remember listening to  Craig Cardiff , a Canadian folk -singer, for the first time , in a ghetto home,  in Kingston Ontario, Canada. Kingston was our first capital. Not everyone knows that.There is always something new to learn. Listening to Craig ,who had the courage to take ten young singers from Queens  University , to the Engineers Pub, facing the wrath of his manager . I smile deeply.  He says "  don't care  if there is  less beer  sold. I got it .I don't care if the place is sold out. That's good , but my new friends are coming with me to the show.  So, send some servers home. Yea, I got it. There will be less beer sold. Yea, I know I am late but I am having fun. Make it right and we will be there in time. "

It's time to be real. No more pretending there is a simple solution to this .Why does she drink ? _Duhh.. Why does she smoke ? Hello!

So I set an example, lead by with my  behaviour. I let/listen to  her talk . She reminds me of her experiences at a Healing Lodge on Lake of the Woods. The Elders and counselors got it. They are inquisitive. They are non-judgmental. That's what she needs and deserves, maybe for the first time in her life .Sweats , Pow-Wows , Elderly wisdom. Those things stick, even as she gently relapses. She doesn't have to hide that any more. She is going to be Ok, maybe. And just how much can I do to change what the Universe has decided  ? Not a heck of a lot ! I can choose to get out of the way, to do know harm . She deserves that. Today, I choose wisely. I am beginning to get it.She is showing me how alright .

So , she shows me a Sobriety Board on her wall . I have never seen one as beautiful  as that. I go down the list and she is doing them all. My advise, still in my head , is redundant . She listened well at the Lodge. Oh yes, she did! I almost cry. I tell her , "someone told me outside tears wash the body, inside tears wash the soul ". Profound , I thought .She doesn't blink an eye. She simply says, "yes "

She has some Healing  Rocks. Someone smarter than me knows about grounding  at the Lodge . Her rocks are beautiful. I am surprised at how many she has. She simply, but gently, dumps them on the table.  I ask if she would like to do a meditation .She says " yes ". In that moment , I realize , she is saying Yes to life.  She will live and breathe what she has learned . She simply needs time. I pray she will get this time  before she dies. I am less scared this time than last. I don't have to tell her not to go down- town by herself to retrieve her jacket ,lost or stolen when she was stoned. She looks at me curiously as if to say " does it really matter ? " She knows better .Of course ,she will bring a friend .I asked if she was willing to call the police . I know the answer before I ask. .  So why did I ask? She lets me down easily , does not humiliate me. She knows I am doing my best. That's all she asks; and she does that with respect.

She know her Clans better than me. She is a Turtle. She told me that already. "I forgot ?", she gently  asks ? . I get caught up in the details. If her maternal Grandmas was a specific clan , how can she be the clan she is ? Well, it is complicated, but not really. You see , her Dad was Cree, don't you know?  The Cree  clan system is different than the Ojibway. She doesn't sweat it . She says "I will ask Dan. " He s good at those things. I am grateful for Dan. He is a Traditional Healer. He is humble. He has taught me so much.

She invites us to a Pow-wow She hopes to dance . She is not too worried . She has not seen her regalia for a while . If not tomorrow, then another day. Whats the fuss?

Whats the fuss ?  She  will be okay, in time. We are blessed to watch this play out, in its own time . We just have to walk along side her, and not get in the way. That's cool.

Dr Bob King MD FRCPC