Are you saying, 'NO' to yourself?

Our relationships mirror back to us parts that need healing, which is why it makes sense to say our relationships are our greatest teachers. This belief has served me well and choosing to guide myself gently without the need to judge myself has been my endeavour.

With that being the premise,?the most recent events helped me follow when you are saying, ‘YES’ to someone are you saying, ‘NO' to YOURSELF.’?

Some of us find it easy to be overly agreeable thinking we are doing this to maintain peace and harmony. But we often forget it can come at a price. It can prevent you from doing things wholeheartedly, I learned if I am committing to doing something I need to bring my whole self, it can’t be one foot out of the door.?

Let me illustrate this with a closer home example: Our son wanted to go looking for running shoes. For a sneaker head, they will always find meaning in shoes. Now, my internal dialogue - Aiyoo what is this, we are always looking for shoes, didn’t we recently go shopping. But I don’t want to displeasure him or hurt him. Let’s go. When I went shopping with him, I saw myself being impatient, I just wanted him to pick a pair of shoes. It was more like we are here let’s just do it. Now that we are here at this mall, I don’t have too many options to eat my kind of food, feeling disgruntled about my decision to accommodate. You see the half-heartedness. I totally saw it? That was possible because I chose to pause and ask myself ‘ Why am I feeling triggered?’?Our lessons can only stem from compassion not judgement and you owe that to yourself.?

This decision to go shopping was about ‘one foot out the door.’?

NOW I ask you how often do we say yes to others while we are saying no to ourselves?

In the grand scheme of life I am certain we are always making decisions and it is important to register the fear of saying no stems from the urge to avoid conflicts or confrontation. Some of us worry about saying no is because we don’t want to disappoint others or hurt their feelings.?

But is it possible that our need to be liked can do us more harm than good?

Here are phrases that can be used as substitutes for the simple ‘no’ the next time you find yourself backed into a corner.

-???????Sadly, I have something else going on.

-???????I have another commitment.

-???????I wish I were able to.

-???????I am afraid I can’t.

-???????I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now.

-???????I am honoured you asked me, but I simply can’t.

-???????Thanks for thinking of me. However, I am not able to.

-???????I am sorry. I am not able to fit this in.

-???????Unfortunately, I already have plans. Maybe next time!

-???????No, thank you, but sounds lovely.

You don’t necessarily owe someone an explanation about why you are saying no. Infact, sometimes, simply saying no and not going into further detail can help you come across as calmer and more decisive.?Also, knowing when to say no takes time and practice. The more often you say no, the easier it will become. Practice assertiveness in all areas of your life until the habit is built into your lifestyle.?

It helps to remember, not everyone who asks you to do something is trying to take advantage of you. They may just be desperate for assistance. If you can’t accept their offer, be respectful in how you communicate with them.?

Some of us can relate to the dilemma of people-pleasing, and when you find yourself stuck it doesn’t hurt to ask your friends and family members if they have any suggestions. If you feel this is going to be misguided seek professional help.?

What I also found meaning in, is a list of questions as a template for gaining insight, to ensure we make rightful choices.?

-Do I have the time and energy to do this?

-Will saying yes add value to my life?

-What makes saying ‘no’ important to me?

-Is someone trying to bully or gaslight me?

-Am I doing this just to please someone else?

-Am I being used?

-Does saying no to this mean I can say yes to something else more important?

-Am I saying yes just because I am afraid of missing out?

-Does something more important require my attention right now?

-Do I need time to rest and recharge?

-What would need to change about this opportunity to make it a ‘YES’?

Powerful questions isn’t it??

Learn how to say no so that you can say yes to WELL-BEING. YAY.

Whether it’s home or work, knowing how to say no is a skill you can benefit from for the rest of your life.?I did love to hear your thoughts on the subject and what changes do you plan to integrate to ensure while you say, 'YES' to others you are not abandoning yourself.

Sources-Post inspiration-Every relationship is a mirror by Jennifer Kass

Source- Insights- How to say no to others (and why you shouldn't feel guilty) by Erin Eatough