You said "I Do" now what?

It is 2019, a new year to write new chapters RIGHT?… for some a new year, sadly the same story.

The story on repeat is about “Domestic Abuse” many women, children & men play the characters in their story daily.

A survey of domestic violence data in Australia revealed that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men have experienced at least one incident of violence from a current or former partner since the age of 15. ... The most common reason for not reporting was cited as fear of revenge or further violence from the current partner.

With stats of 1 in 3 and 1 in 5, I could be writing about you, a very close friend, work colleague or relative to you.

PTSD -Post Traumatic Stress can be one of the major courses of people behaving badly. PTSD can result from long standing unresolved issues dating back to childhood.

Children who are abused and exposed to domestic violence exhibit emotional, psychological, and behavioural consequences that are almost identical to one another. ... Emotionally children who experience the "double whammy" effect can exhibit fear, guilt, isolation, and low self-esteem. These children then grow up enter into the work force & get married. An untreated history can and most probably will leave the abused to carry a back pack of issues into the future.

As parents we are responsible for the safety of our children, this is the physical and mental safety of our children…  AND ourselves!

Over a 13-year period covered by analysis there were 77 intimate partner homicides, on average, each year. The majority involved males killing female intimate partners (75 per cent). Females comprised only 20 per cent of offenders of intimate partner homicide, confirming prior research that males are more likely than females to kill their intimate partner (Johnson & Hotton 2003; Silverman & Kennedy 1993; Silverman & Mukherjee 1987; Websdale 1999).

Source: Australian Institute of Criminology, National Homicide Monitoring Program, 1989-90 to 2001-02 [computer file] NOTE: These stats are on the rise…

Important Information: Teresa P. Nguyen, Benjamin R. Karney, and Thomas N. Bradbury

Although people with a history of child abuse are known to be at elevated risk for later difficulties in relationships, there is debate over whether these effects are enduring and relatively immutable or whether they are moderated by characteristics and behaviours of the partner. To reconcile these competing perspectives, we conducted a longitudinal study of 414 newlywed couples living in low-income neighbourhoods, testing whether the association between abuse history and relationship satisfaction is dependent on the partners’ aggression, depression, substance abuse, observed communication, and other demographic risk factors. Spouses who had been abused as children (25% of husbands, 31% of wives) reported more symptoms of depression and substance abuse and, among husbands, displayed more negative communication. Spouses with a history of child abuse were also less satisfied with their marriage, even as newlyweds; abused wives also declined in satisfaction over time compared to those without this history. However, interactions between abuse history and all of the proposed moderators were not significant, indicating that partner and relationship characteristics failed to strengthen or weaken the association between abuse history and relationship satisfaction. Childhood experiences of abuse appear to have lasting and broad effects on individual and relational outcomes, and these effects are neither heightened nor mitigated by the partner’s characteristics or behaviours.

Although the experience of abuse in childhood increases later risk for relationship distress and dissolution (e.g., DiLillo et al., 2009; Whisman, 2006), the impact of abuse on later intimacy is also highly heterogeneous (e.g., Paolucci, Genuis, & Violato, 2001; Rind, Tromovitch, & Bauserman, 1998). Partner and relationship characteristics are thought to be critical to understanding the later health and well-being of individuals abused as children (Evans, Steel, Watkins, & DiLillo, 2014) in that the effects of early abuse might be mitigated by the presence of compassionate partners but exacerbated by mates who are prone to hostility and insensitivity

Please hear Leslies Story:

Leslie Morgan Steiner was in "crazy love" -- that is, madly in love with a man who routinely abused her and threatened her life. Steiner tells the dark story of her relationship, correcting misconceptions many people hold about victims of domestic violence, and explaining how we can all help break the silence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo

I don’t write books and blogs to impress you, I write them to impress upon you, the importance of happy safe Families, well-adjusted Children and good Mental Health.

We as a community have a responsibility to our families

Warmest regards

Darleen Barton

Practitioner