YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU THINK

By Sara Barnes

You can take control of your thoughts

You have heard that you can control your own actions. You should do that. But control your thoughts, too? Yes.

Taking control of your own thoughts can make a big difference in resolving conflicts and strengthening relationships.

Working on your thoughts:

If you want to more productively handle conflict, a checklist may help.

Train yourself to move beyond reactive thoughts using a checklist. This practice can help you to more effectively shape your thinking. Everyone needs a different checklist; you can come up with yours based on your own challenges.

Why a checklist? Because when you are triggered, have your values challenged, or are otherwise emotionally charged, the tendency is to react. Just like the trained airplane pilot, emergency room doctor, mechanic or other skilled professional, a standard list can be useful in guiding your thinking in the moment. This is called a heuristic,?a mental shortcut that allows an individual to make a decision, pass judgment, or solve a problem quickly -- all with minimal mental effort.

Conflict resolution heuristic example:

Everyone can develop their own. Start with low level situations. Any new habit requires practice and intention. Below is one checklist that can help train your brain:

• I might be wrong.?Be open to changing your ideas.
• The?other person?has taken actions for?a good reason.
• Is there?a question I could ask?that would help me understand?
• My?emotions?may be telling me something?about myself.
• I might see things differently?in the morning.
• I have?learned?from other conflicts; I can learn from this.

Do you see how this works? It’s a shortcut to keep you from being mired in the muck. If you take your thoughts by the hand, put aside unproductive ideas and open a new route to take, you can develop a more well-trained mind.

You can take responsibility for your thoughts.