Are You "Relationshipping" or Just Interacting?

“But I do have relationships with everyone on my team!? I talk with them daily. I check on their progress with projects.? I interact with them in the breakroom.? I even go to lunch with them from time to time.”?

That was a comment by John, a senior level computer scientist who was leading a team of programmers at a software development company.? John was a great computer scientist, but he was struggling as a leader, and his team’s performance was suffering because of it.? I was asked by John’s manager to do an assessment of his leadership to see how I might help.

My findings?? Well, John was absolutely correct in most of what he said.? He was indeed talking with his team daily, checking in on their work, and even spending time with them over coffee and occasionally lunch.? John was described by his team as collegial and friendly.? But john was NOT building relationships, he was just interacting with his team.? There are huge differences.? Here are just a few:

• Interactions are engaging with someone – relationships are bonding with them.
• Interactions are emotionless – relationships are fueled by emotion.
• Interactions are task related – relationships are trust related.
• Interactions are transaction oriented – relationships are empathy oriented.
• Interactions are multiple disconnected occurrences of communication – relationships are intentional and meaningful connections built over time.
• Interactions serve an individual purpose – relationships serve a broader purpose.

Just because you are interacting with your team does not mean you are building a relationship with them.? This was John’s error. He was interacting with his team but not “relationshipping” with them. ?I’m not sure if that’s a real word, but it’s appropriate to make my point.? Leadership requires more than just interacting – it requires relationshipping.

From neuropsychology we know that the brain requires true personal connection for leadership to be effective.? Connection requires the development of relationships – not just multiple interactions.? ??

The skill of building relationships can be strengthened through an intentional effort to understand yourself and your personality, and how that personality connects, or fails to connect, with others.? It requires creating a motivating environment where trust can flourish.? It requires communication that connects and engages rather than just informs.? It requires encouraging and leveraging opposition to build collaboration.?

What are you doing to build your relationshipping skills?? If nothing, you are missing out on a powerful path to leadership success.?

My new book:? Ignite Your Ledership: The Power Of Neuropsychology To Optimize Team Performance provides a blueprint with exercises that build your relationship skills, and thus your leadership effectiveness.? Get it here on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Ignite-Your-Leadership-Neuropsychology-Performance/dp/1957651393

And, if you are open to it, please consider leaving an honest review on Amazon after you read and apply my blueprint.? It will help me in my mission to bring the science of neuropsychology into leadership development.?