ARE YOU REALLY STUCK WHERE YOU ARE?

Tragically, when a wild elephant is domesticated as a baby, one of their legs is chained to an immovable tree or thick iron stake driven deep into the ground. Despite repeated, unrelenting attempts to break free the young elephant begins to feel the gnawing nagging pain and rawness around its leg and soon begins to associate that pain with trying to break free and so eventually stops trying. Psychologically, this belief is carried on into its adulthood. When the elephant is fully grown, its trainer simply needs to tether its foot with a simple rope to a small tree or peg in the ground and the elephant will absolutely not move. And so…even though the elephant can easily break free it never even attempts to do so. This intelligent, overwhelmingly powerful creature is held captive, not by any physical restraint, but by its own mind filled with painful memories and a defeated belief system. The elephant doesn’t think it can, so it can’t, and the memory of the pain stops him from even trying.

As professional adults, we too can be similarly conditioned to feel that we are stuck in our current careers, troubled relationships or circumstances because of past pains or a defeated belief systems.

Someone I highly respect and admire once shared with me that she was sexually abused by her father for much of her adolescent years and then later in her early twenties was abducted at knife point at an ATM and raped by a homeless man in the middle of the day.  She experienced guilt and blamed herself for not fighting or screaming during the assault but this was not her fault.  The sad truth was she had been conditioned by a horrific past.  She was an adult survivor of child sexual abuse and when faced with a brand new situation involving a sexually aggressive man, she couldn’t help seeing the similarity to her past situation in which escape was impossible.  I’m confident she was likely overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness, just like she felt as a child with the painful betrayal and abuse of her father.  Although in that new situation (older and physically stronger) she very well might have been able to successfully fight off that perpetrator but all the power to do so...seemed to drain from her as she recalled the futility of her past attempts to avoid such abuse.   I know what it's like to experience this kind of paralyzing powerlessness, shame and guilt.  You can read my story here.

We can all fall prey to a cycle of similar conditioning situations over and over again and feel stuck or powerless to do anything about it.  The truth is…we are much more powerful than we actually know. We just don’t think we can, so we can’t and the past memories of pain prevents us from even trying.

Here are 4 things to consider when you’re feeling stuck in life.

1. Feeling stuck is an internal deception. – The truth is…when we feel stuck, our defeated belief system often stems from our propensity to blame other people or past circumstances. Our first instinct is to look outside of ourselves for someone or something to blame. What we all need to do, is own and accept it. This seems harsh but when we finally come to a place where we can accept that we are completely responsible for everything we are, everything we have, and everything we’ve become…then (and only then) will we be able to start to defeat our feelings of being stuck. There is no greater perjury than self-deception. Being dishonest with ourselves puts to death our definitive truth. Confronting the lies we have told ourselves, no matter how small, is a difficult endeavor but nothing is more freeing and liberating. Being honest with ourselves is the fastest path to self-acceptance. Being authentic about who we are actually enriches the relationships and circumstances around us. It’s the first step towards getting unstuck.
   
2. Yesterday’s pain is not worth reliving. – We can’t have a better today if we’re still thinking and wringing our hands about what happened yesterday. I often say “It’s impossible to sprint into the providential arms of what is ahead…if we continue to trip on what is behind.” We must press onward. We have all made mistakes and we have all had bad things happen to us. At some point we must stop dwelling on them and move forward. It’s important to forgive, ask for forgiveness from others as well as forgive ourselves, and then proceed…full steam ahead. Darkness, in our lives, has no greater companion than a self-loathing unforgiving or unforgiven heart. Paul writes in Philippians: ”…But one thing I do, forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal…” If we are stuck it’s often because we continue to relive past pain or failures over and over again to the point of exhaustion.
   

When we do this, I liken it to a dog chasing its tail, just spinning around and around and going nowhere fast. Constantly chasing our own “tales” has the same effect on us. It leaves us in dizzying immobility. When we wrap our arms so firmly around our past we leave little room to embrace our present future. One last thought on this point…We can look back at our past misfortune with two points of view; both will impact the person we become. We can dwell on yesterday’s adversity and stay idle where we are, defeated. Or, we can recognize the hardship for what it was, learn from it and move onward…unconquered. Ultimately, being a Victim or a Victor is a matter of personal choice.

"You are much more than your mistakes, much bigger than your failures and much more beautiful than your ugliest moment. The stumbles we experience in life may shame us or humble us with valuable tough lessons but they will never define who we truly are. No matter your mistake…it’s important to remember that YOU are someone’s light in the darkness; a beacon of love and hope in this world and that should ALWAYS supersede the superficial imperfections we erroneously internalize. ― A Walk with Prudence

3. Feeling stuck is often a sign that it’s time to do some pruning. – The act of pruning is the selective removal of dead, nonproductive, structurally unsound or otherwise unwanted tissue from a tree or plant. One good reason to prune is for the removal of deadwood which reshapes and redirects positive growth. This improves and maintains the overall health of the plants core. In doing so it reduces the risk of being negatively impacted by its damaged or dead areas. The same is true for you and me when we feel stuck in life. In order to reshape and redirect our lives or circumstances we too must selectively remove the dead, unproductive practices and or people from our daily lives in order to enrich the overall health of our physical, mental, and spiritual core. This also means we must choose our influences carefully. We must be selective of the things we watch, hear, read and say. The very things we constantly surround ourselves with…we become. When we are stuck it’s time to reevaluate our influences and then start the pruning process. Doing so ultimately allows us to flourish and gives us the best opportunities to produce happy fruitful lives. It may seem harsh, time consuming and difficult…but who said pruning was easy?

4. You are much stronger and a lot less stuck than you might think. – Be encouraged and remember that our biggest breakthroughs in life often come after a long period of being stuck. Which is why feeling stuck for a while is necessary.  Accept this truth…You are exactly where you are supposed to be but you are not meant to stay there. Being scared of the unknown and afraid of the battles that wage before us is normal. We still have to walk into and through that darkness. It doesn’t matter how, whether whimpering or with boldness. What matters is that we keep moving forward. We are only truly stuck when we huddle with fear and refuse to move towards the challenge of confronting our most arduous trials. I do not believe the God of creation, created us to live our lives that way. You have more than enough power within you to achieve whatever it is you really want in life. Often we get stuck because we fail to listen to an inner voice that says “I Can” and then we watch as that pledge is hushed and smothered by our doubts and fears. We get stuck because we listen to someone else’s voice rather than our own or because we knew what was right and didn’t do it. When we get stuck it’s actually a time to be brave. It’s a time to listen to ourselves more and believe what others say about us less and begin to take the bold steps of pursuing a life that is personally fulfilling and rewarding.

Go ahead…take that step and break away from that little peg in the ground.   YOU are much more POWERFUL than you think.  

"The victim inside us all ceases when we stand in opposition of that which oppresses or intimidates us. Something powerfully intrinsic happens when the courage to no longer be silent awakens within us and we are compelled to confront our problems rather than cower to them. The things that torment us thrive on our hushed fears and insecurities and they are made powerless by a resilient voice; an inner voice that says… “No More!” – A Walk With Prudence

I am a BlogPoet at BlogPoets.com

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