Are you really Self-Aware?

We like to ask new students, “imagine being dropped from a helicopter into a jungle somewhere on this planet. What will you need to find your way back to civilization”?

Responses typically range from a compass to maps, but the pivotal answer we are looking for is this one: We need to have a clear sense of our starting point. Only then can we use the compass and maps to find where we need to go. The starting point is a clear understanding and awareness of who we are.

Self-awareness has become a popular word in today’s leadership courses because it all starts here; we must know who we are, how we think and react, and what we really want. Personality Tests, self-reflection, and analyzing our strengths and weaknesses – are all strategies to become more self-aware. But do they really work?

Let’s start with the question - what is self-awareness?

Daniel Goleman proposed a definition of self-awareness in his best-selling book “Emotional Intelligence,” which is “knowing one’s internal states, preference, resources and intuitions.” It basically entails monitoring what is happening inside and trying to make sense of it. There is an obvious limitation with this approach-it isn’t very objective, is it? Many people claim they are very self-aware but are they really?

Dr. Tasha Eurich and her research team have studied self-awareness extensively, as described in a Harvard Business Review Article from January 2018. They found that only 10-15% of people are self-aware - probably much less than most would expect.

Since differing definitions of self-awareness exist, Eurich and colleagues first wanted to create an overarching one encompassing all others. The two main categories that emerged were inner self-awareness, encompassing the monitoring of inner states, and external self-awareness, which revolves around understanding how others see us.

The most self-aware leaders, the study found, tried to be high in both internal and external self-awareness.

Dr. Eurich and the team then investigated the approach most people use to become more self-aware. They found that people were not doing introspection ‘the right way.’? The widely held assumption that introspection — examining the causes of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors — improves self-awareness proved wrong.?

“Research has shown that we simply cannot access many of the unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motives we’re searching for. And because so much is trapped outside of our conscious awareness, we tend to invent answers that feel true but are often wrong.”?

Based on these findings, the team suggested changing how we are doing introspection, switching from asking ‘why’ to asking ‘what,’ and focusing on steps to correct the issue. According to Dr. Eurich and the team, the approach of focusing on the ‘what’ helped people become self-aware and achieve their desired results.

?A friend recently told me, "My one big problem is charging the amount my time is worth. I can overcome this problem mentally by having the appropriate conversation with my clients, but I can’t change how I feel about it. It has to do with how much I value myself.”

According to Dr. Eurich’s findings, my friend fits in the ‘high external self-awareness category”. She is aware of her limitation and has developed a strategy to address the issue. But with this self-awareness, is asking ‘what’ really helping her? In a sense, it allows her to manage the issue, but it doesn’t really resolve it -the internal disconnect remains. Her self-awareness doesn't lead to a change in her self-value.

Let’s look a little closer at self-awareness. Ask yourself, who is looking, monitoring, and evaluating what is happening? We are – our ego is – but are we doing so objectively? What is going on when we reflect and ask ourselves the questions ‘why’ and ‘what’?

What we find when monitoring our inside largely depends on how we think and feel about ourselves.– Do we wear pink or green glasses today? Are we a hero, or do we play the role of the victim?

What we see and feel is colored by our imposed filters and patterns. It is, in most cases, not an objective representation of reality, but we might not be aware.

Continuing to engage our thinking in the process of introspection to increase our self-awareness doesn’t allow us to eliminate the internal judgment and limitations imposed by how we feel about ourselves. Therefore, the results we can obtain in self-reflection - engaging with our thinking, asking ‘why’ or ‘what’ to learn more about ourselves - are limited. We are not increasing our self-awareness in a profound way that positively impacts the way we feel about ourselves.

And isn’t that what we are really looking for? An answer to solve that riddle that lets us escape our problem? We want to overcome the feelings of not being enough, wrong, and critical of ourselves and allow ourselves to move on, grow and be at peace.

The question becomes, if our thinking is inherently biased, what options do we have to become more self-aware?

Our definition of what it means to be self-aware goes beyond the cognitive understanding of ourselves. Through accessing our Physical Intelligence, we take a different approach to enhance our self-awareness that circumvents our thinking. As we have discussed, cognitive understanding of ourselves, obtained through self-analysis, is influenced by patterns that cloud our thinking. It is, therefore, biased and flawed. Real self-awareness develops when we learn how to turn off our thinking and get in touch with our center. Through experiencing this deep yet very tangible side of ourselves, we recognize who we are – beyond our judging and limiting thoughts.

Only through getting in touch with ourselves at this deep level can we access and eliminate patterns and limitations that impact how we think and feel about ourselves. That is, in accessing our center, we find answers, stop negative feelings, and can turn off the ruminating machinery in our minds.

This is when we figure out our true starting point and get in touch with who we are.

To learn how to learn the skill of centering and build your self-awareness to start making fundamental changes to improve your self-value and self-confidence to excel as a leader, visit www.arteshumanis.com/xelle. We offer a Women’s Leadership Excellence Program where you develop the skills you need to excel in your work context. We equip you with actionable tools to develop leadership excellence. We teach you #PhysicalIntelligence tools designed to help you become self-aware, control your thoughts and emotions, and strengthen new thought processes and behaviors to achieve your goals.

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