Are you really listening?

Are you consistently listening to people to respond to them immediately? Chances are that you’re not alone. Trying to focus on showing other people that you understand them by reacting to what they are saying, asserting our opinion, offering advice and ways to resolve their ‘supposed’ dilemma — especially at work — can be read diametrically opposite to what you are trying to do. It can be exhausting, and even distressing because people feel you are truly not listening to them and they are not able to connect with you. This is true at work as well as at home, with your spouse, parents or your children. To manage this feeling, make small changes to your behavior. For example, you might want to focus on active listening.

Listening means exactly that, you just listen. Pay attention to what someone says and do not try to formulate your response. The key is not to come up with the “perfect” response, but rather to make the other person feel heard in the moment. Your job is to create space for the other person to be heard, to be connected with you and in that process show that you care and can be trusted by that person.

Listening is an important leadership and communications skill to be highly effective and lead and manage employees.

For example, if someone was to come to you and share that they are not getting the best assignment. Don’t jump with what you feel is “the right answer”. Instead, consider these 7 simple active listening steps:

1. Give the speaker/person your undivided attention. Reflect on what the person is expressing or feeling.
2. Show understanding, accept/ validate their feelings by repeating their own words. Paraphrase. People respect that.
3. Ask open ended questions related to why they are feeling the way they are
4. Embark on the conversation on why the situation may be occurring by asking some probing questions and request clarification.
5. Show that you are listening....be attuned to and reflect feelings and defer judgment.
6. Help the person see another side of the situation that he may not have seen and provide feedback in a constructive way that will help him grow.
7. Try to stay grounded, compassionate, and give yourself and the person some grace. Summarize.