Are you REALLY listening?

My wife consistently tells me I don’t listen. And I recently had a hearing test which confirmed this fact. When I sat in the chair for the test, I mentioned to the Doctor that my wife says I have bad hearing. She laughed and said that 99% of men that sit in that chair say the same.

Guess what?

Turns out my hearing is fine, it’s my listening that sucks. And I recon yours does too.

I have perfect hearing. But like most of us, I am a really bad listener. And that is where we get confused. Because listening and hearing are very different.

The stats on listening are shocking. We really are bad at it. Which makes sense given that only 2% of the population are taught how to listen.?

Our recall is shocking too. We only remember 50% of a discussion immediately after it took place. That drops to 20% within 24 hours.?

What is so hard?

Partly to blame for our lack of recall is the fact that we are not really listening. Usually we are just waiting to respond. Waiting for the other person to finish so that we can jump in with our version, our answer. We make it about us, rather than them

It’s mainly because we hear faster than we can speak. So we react rather than consider and digest what is being said or inferred. And this causes problems and conflicts rather than alignment and value.?

Layers

To significantly improve our listening we need to change the way we think about listening itself. It’s not transactional, its ongoing. It is not flat, its layered.?

Going beyond active listening means we recognise that the current conversation is important (leaning in), but that proactively planning the ongoing dialogue we have will bring even greater impact. Try this framework and see how it improves the quality of your questions, dialogue and relationships.

CONTENT: the words and expressions that you hear (said, unsaid)

INTENT: understand the other persons needs

CONTEXT: bring meaning and value from a wider perspective, your ongoing dialogue.

Richer?

When I started using this framework is recognised almost immediately how much deeper my connection to conversations become. I was able to bring more meaning and add more value to discussions and remembered more about the styles and needs of my peers and team.

If you would like to get my FREE 8 page Managers Guide to PROactive listening then email me at [email protected]

I am all ears!

Paul Matthews helps leaders and teams build impact and trust using powerful conversations. He is an expert in trust and leadership and communication and is a speaker, mentor and coach, based in Australia.

paulmatthews.com.au

+61458566179

[email protected]