Are You Reacting or Responding?

Here’s how a TSA agent showed me the difference between reacting and responding.

I dropped my bags on the conveyor and headed toward the TSA’s metal detector at the Newark airport on my way home after giving leadership keynotes to executive MBA students.?

Going through the TSA is my least favorite part of travel, especially because of the random inspections, frisking, and yelling.?

Oh, crap. A bell sounded after I passed through the detector, and the TSA agent told me I’d been randomly selected for further screening. Ugh! Here we go again.

That meant going through the body scanner, which always gave me bad results.

Reframing My Perspective

The woman ahead of me complained to the TSA agent about having to endure the body scanner, even though she purchased TSA pre-check.

The agent looked at her partner and said, “I need to switch places with you; I’m out of deep breaths.”

Her admission reframed my perspective. She’s doing her best at a thankless but essential job, enduring comments and complaints throughout her shift. I have to see her once; she has to see thousands of people like me.?

Stepping into the body scanner heightens my heart rate because I know what’s coming next.?

I step out of the scanner, hoping to be on my way, but the agent points to the screen, which shows a red box indicating an area that requires further inspection.

It’s always the same spot. I had a vasectomy years ago. The doctor must have sealed the tubes with metal to prevent them from reattaching.

Managing Emotional Triggers

I’m usually seeing red at this point as the agent explains he’s going to use the back of his hands to check for a crotch bomb, but I’m reminded of what his partner just said.

She developed a way to manage her emotional triggers, using deep breaths to create space between her emotions and reactions. The breaths helped her respond constructively instead of reacting inappropriately. Her next line of defense was to get some distance from the situation, recover balance, and then return in a better state of mind.

Her example showed that I can choose to be angry at this useless frisking or to see it from the agent’s point of view.?

“This happens every time,” I explain, “I had a vasectomy years ago. I’m sure you are just as happy as I am that the doctor put metal in there.”?

He laughed, “Not my favorite thing to do, boss. ” So he did his business, and I went on my way feeling good.?

Mastering your emotional triggers gives you a process to respond rather than react to challenging situations. ? If you’d like to boost your trigger management skills, the Saber Six Foundation (the nonprofit I founded to help veterans turn post-combat stress into growth) has a terrific program called the 22-Day Trigger Mastery Challenge. Check it out here .

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