Are You In The Quest For Lasting Joy & Happiness? These Three Things Will Help!

In a meeting to talk about happiness and joy, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu concluded that:

“The three factors that seem to have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness are our ability to reframe our situation more positively, our ability to experience gratitude, and our choice to be kind and generous.”

None of these factors assume that life is without sadness and frustrations or that happiness depends on their absence. I think it’s just normal to feel sad, frustrated, stressed, depressed and even unhappy from time to time.

But, how can we overcome the natural negativity associated with these feelings and turn them into an opportunity of personal growth and lasting joy? How can make sure that we don’t dwell in that negativity?

Our society is extremely focused on making us think that our happiness depends on external factors (power, money, fame, influence). Is it possible, then, to be happy without those external factors (for example can we be happy without money)?

Just as everything else in life, it’s all relative.

And what the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu said in the book Joy is that nobody wants to be unhappy, but that doesn’t mean that we can avoid situations that would normally make us unhappy.

Happiness is a transient state that can easily change based on factors that we can’t control. “Suffering is inevitable, but how we respond to that suffering is our choice. Not even oppression or occupation can take away this freedom to choose our response” said The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu.

And that’s precisely what they mean by joy. The freedom to make a choice. To build on who we are and, despite difficult circumstances, still be joyful.

I wanted to emphasize three ideas that are I find extremely valuable in the quest for lasting joy.

Vulnerability, confidence and courage

It’s ok to feel bad. It’s ok to feel unhappy. It’s ok to feel frustrated. It’s ok to feel depressed. And whoever tells you the contrary is lying to you.

The quest for lasting joy begins by acknowledging that we have limitations at every moment in life. We can certainly overcome them, but at the moment they limit us. We are vulnerable, and that’s ok. It’s human to not be a superhuman!

Brene Brown said:

“I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few”.

Only by acknowledging our vulnerability can we move from fear to confidence to believe in ourselves, despite (or from) our current limitations, to have the courage to “show up” and take full ownership of our lives. But, see? The road starts with accepting that we are vulnerable.

Authenticity 

Accepting our vulnerability and becoming more self-confident and courageous isn’t enough, especially in a world that values copycats and happiness driven by external factors. We must be authentic as well.

There’s a lot of research on the power of authenticity, and the topic doesn’t get old.

The way I think about it is that we are in a constant and exhausting battle between trying to be who we are and trying to fit in a world that wants us to be or become certain kind of person. And if we try to become who we are not, not only will it be difficult to find happiness, it will also be challenging to find lasting joy.

Authenticity is the building block of our lasting joy. Being authentic means embracing who we are, with our limitations, but also with our dreams and passions. We are a “package”!

But this doesn’t mean that we will stay in a place where temporary comfort can be stagnating. Instead, it’s responsibly saying “this is what I can do now, and this is what I will do to be what I want to become tomorrow”.

A broken world is constantly sending messages that reward fakeness. And I feel that it’s important to never stop reminding ourselves that fakeness can only bring temporary relief and sense of accomplishment. Instead, authenticity builds on who we really are to ensure lasting joy.

Compassion, kindness and empathy 

The Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and many others always conclude that our relationship with others is fundamental to our lasting happiness and joy.

But we can’t see our relationship with others merely as a transaction of external factors (money for material things) that can make us temporarily happy. Instead, lasting joy depends on being compassionate, kind and having empathy.

Compassion means understanding the pains and sorrows that others experience. Kindness means being a good person to others. For example, I’ve always seen my job as serving others. And I don’t feel diminish or insecure by using the word serving. It actually makes me feel that my life and my work has value and purpose for others, which I think it’s great. Finally, empathy, which is a broader way to understand and acknowledge what others are feeling.

Buddhists, as the Dalai Lama, call this practice Mudita. The virtue of finding joy in the happiness of others. 

How can you build on these elements to find lasting joy? Perhaps the first step is to become more mindful about our vulnerabilities and fears. Embrace them and, from them, strengthen our self-confidence and be more courageous. Of course, always remaining authentic and caring for others.

Will you try it?

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About the author:

Enrique Rubio is a Tech and HR Evangelist. He's passionate about Human Resources, People Operations, Technology and Innovation. Enrique is an Electronic Engineer, Fulbright Scholar and Executive Master in Public Administration with a focus on HR. Over the past 15 years Enrique has worked in the HR and tech world. A lot of his research and work revolves around the digitization of the workplace and Human Resources. Enrique currently works as an HR Specialist at the Inter-American Development Bank. He's also the founder of Hacking HR. Enrique is currently building Cotopaxi, an artificial intelligence-based recruitment platform for emerging markets.

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