Are you a pully?

Yes. You read it right! Not ‘pushy’, not ‘bully’, not ‘pulley’ (the winch machine to hoist equipment), but pully. It is not a word in the dictionary. I made it up!

It is the opposite of pushy. Being pushy means being brash, aggressive, loud-mouth and so on…often in a negative context

Pully, on the other hand, means a draw, a center of gravity, a person who ‘pulls’ others to him or her, as opposed to being pushy. Pushy is a coercive move on part of the pusher to force the other to do one’s will: the dictator pushes his subjects to do his will, the autocratic boss does the same thing to his subordinates, even strict parents imposing their will on their children.

Being a pully is when people are pulled into your orbit because they want to join you, and when they do, they ‘own’ the decision because they are inspired, they are engaged and they are willing partners in the journey of change. While being pushy may or may not come from a point of goodness, being a pully always does.

When people are asked to name the most admired leaders, you end up with names like Mother Theresa, a Martin Luther King, or a Nelson Mandela. Seldom do you encounter names like a Stalin or other such aggressors? People are ‘pulled’ in by Mother Theresa or a Mandela.

What are the qualities of a Pully?

a)      They start with love. Not the romantic notion of love. But the notion that love is about another’s growth. Pullys nurture others. And it comes from their very faith in humanity. It comes from empathy, understanding, and forgiveness. Mandela, despite enduring unspeakable tortures invited his jailors for his inauguration as the President. For pushys, people could be the means to an end…but for pullys, people are why they do what they do. They are givers, not takers.

b)      They have unshakable faith. Their faith and commitment, sense of purpose and mission draw others to them. People are willing to make sacrifices and tradeoffs as pullys have a compelling narrative. Their narrative not just resonates intellectually or even emotionally, they could resonate spiritually. This faith and commitment give them courage and determination to pursue against tremendous odds and have others do the same as well. One name that comes to mind is Steve Jobs, though some may not agree. Jobs developed in Apple products a look and style that was uniquely different and was able to project Apple users as different from other people: creative, non-traditional, non-hierarchical. Pullys could be tough on others if their faith and focus on purpose are called to question.

c)      They have tremendous self-awareness. They operate from their strengths, but more so, operate from a deep, deep sense of core-principles. They have a greater outer impact because they have such great inner understanding of themselves. The synchronization between the external person and the internal person is 1:1. Gandhiji was famous for experimenting with his own self to evolve as a higher-order person every day. He was extremely conscious of his failings but never lost the will power to strive harder to conquer his weaknesses. Pullys are not perfect, but never stop seeking perfection. It is that quality that endears them to others.

d)     They radiate humility. When Pope Francis offered his first prayers as People, he departed from tradition and did not offer his blessings to the people. Instead, he asked his people to pray so that God blessed him, through them. For pullys success is never about them, it is about the cause, the mission, and the people. Pullys may or may not have charisma. Charisma is a personality trait (and as long as it is not used to manipulate others, it is a gift); being a pully involves character; it is a character trait.

Not all pullys are heroes…they do not seek fame or glory. They live for their cause. They may achieve fame, but that is not the objective. Here is a simple man whose story I read recently.  Palam Kalyan Sundaram is a librarian in a city in India. Every month in his 30 years’ service, he donated his entire salary, even his pension, to the needy. He worked as a waiter in a restaurant to make his own ends meet. In recognition of his social contributions, he was the recipient of a large award from an American organization, which he promptly then donated to the needy once again. He never sought fame, he is relatively unknown but goes about his commitment day after day, year after year. He may not be a hero in the traditional sense of the word, but he is an inspiration. A pully.

Each of us has an opportunity to be a pully in our own way. It starts with being human, about caring for the other’s growth, as through others’ growth comes our own. It starts by being relentless in one’s core beliefs and the willingness to make sacrifices for it. It is about a continuous pursuit being a better self every day, and finally about realizing that it is never about ‘you’, its about everybody else.

Everybody knows a pushy. Few know a pully directly. But each of us has an opportunity to be a pully. It is a resolution, not a skill.

Are you a pully? I am not…. still have a long, long way to go to be one!