Are You Projecting Again?

I’ve noticed a pattern with clients lately: They’re doing a lot of projecting.

With fear and anxiety running high, it’s no surprise that projecting is rampant. People are assigning their own thoughts or feelings to others in an attempt to avoid emotional distress. It’s a coping mechanism.

No matter what’s going on in the world, everyone has their own “stuff” that gets projected into conversations or situations:

• Anticipating what a client might say.
• Making assumptions about how a coworker will react.
• Suspecting what a prospect is thinking or feeling.
• Presupposing the outcome of a sales call.
• Inferring the meaning behind a colleague’s remark.
• Speculating on the intent behind a social media post, an offhand comment, or even a facial expression.

It’s all based on our past experiences, emotions, values, cultural lens, current state of mind, and much more — rooted in the subconscious. When things get scary and the stakes feel higher, projecting gets kicked up a notch.

Here’s how it looks —

Going into a consult: “How would I respond if a coach quoted me this price?”

Launching a marketing campaign: “How would I feel if I got this email?”

Setting boundaries with a client or manager: “How would I react if someone asked this of me?”

Then you assume that the other person would react the same way.

“I can’t afford the package I’m selling, so I better lower my rate; nobody will pay this amount.”

“I don’t want to be annoying, so I’m going to send fewer emails, despite what the data says.”

“My boss only respects those who can handle tight turnaround times. I’ll keep staying late to meet last-minute requests.”

But here’s the thing: Your assumption usually isn’t true. Just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean the other person does.

You’re stopping yourself from taking action and selling yourself short — for no sound reason. Get it? You’re making stuff up!

How do you correct this?

1. Start by identifying your thoughts and feelings, and what the other person is most likely thinking and feeling. Where is the line? Sort it out.

2. Let other people be responsible for their own reactions. Stop doing it for them.

3. Check in. If you don’t know, ask. Be direct.

For example, are you wondering what your prospects might be willing to pay? Remember, it doesn’t matter what you would pay, only what they would pay. Don’t worry about undercharging. Don’t waste your time working on a proposal with pricing that far exceeds their expectations. Ask about their budget and take action based on their response.

Now I want you to think about:

Where do you stop yourself because you’re projecting? What is it costing you?