Are You Procrastinating and Self-Sabotaging Your Success Because of Fear?

As a wife and mum, how do you recover, regain your strength, pivot and go into a full time business, and raise your visibility and profile when you've experienced a brain tumour and undergone surgery? In this week's episode of the Quietly Visible podcast, I talk to Mildred Talabi about how she bounced back from a major setback (brain tumour) to thrive as a professional business woman. Click on the link above, open in another tab and listen to what Mildred had to say.

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Are You Procrastinating and Self-Sabotaging Your Success Because of Fear?

Many people mistakenly believe that people who procrastinate are lazy or lack motivation. Whilst this may apply to some people who procrastinate, it doesn’t apply to all.

I regularly work with successful senior leaders who are ambitious high achievers but aren’t achieving their full potential because they self-sabotage by procrastinating. They are hard on themselves, underestimate their achievements, and often experience imposter syndrome. They haven’t yet made the connection between self-sabotaging their goals by procrastinating, and the underlying reason for doing so.

The thing that underpins the procrastination for them is fear. Most often, a fear of failure, fear of not being able to live up to expectations, or a fear of rejection.

Their academic and career achievements demonstrate they don’t lack motivation, and that they are most certainly not lazy. They are torn between this desire to succeed, to make an impact and a difference, and the fear that engulfs them.

Here are some common scenarios that are presented to me time and time again.

Not doing the things that will enable you to perform your best in meetings or other situations

For many introverted leaders, speaking up and being heard in meetings can be a challenge because of the way that most meetings are conducted. There is a lot of being put on the spot to give a quick response as opposed to the thinking and reflection that introverts prefer.

The thought of this can cause some people to worry and feel anxious, which in turn affects the way that they perform in meetings. But some of these challenges can be counteracted by preparing mentally and emotionally in advance so you go into the meeting feeling at your optimal rather than stressed.

What I often see is leaders who know they need to do this ‘work’ on themselves, allocate time before meetings for it, but then procrastinate by getting caught up being busy with other things.

When we dig deep, underlying this is a fear of rejection. A fear that they will go into the meeting (or other situation) confidently put their views forward, only to have them shot down. So rather than put themselves through this, without realising, they procrastinate and end up self-sabotaging.

The consequences of doing this means they are frustrated, they’re not commanding the room, and not having the presence and making the impact they would like to make. This in turn affects their self-confidence.

Invariably there is no substance to their fears, they stem from early life experiences. Rationalising their thoughts and beliefs helps them to put their situation into perspective. Knowing they are prone to self-sabotage in this way, by making it a continuous practice to do the ‘work’ on themselves prior to meetings etc, they learn to regulate their emotions.

By doing so, they confidently go into those situations exuding presence and holding their own.

Not being consistent in the activities that will help you achieve your goals because of a fear you won’t live up to expectations

In this scenario, they are hard on themselves and play down their achievements. Although they may have excelled, they don’t see their achievements as anything special. They don’t see themselves as being as good as their peers and they believe that they won’t live up to other people’s expectations of them.

With a tendency for perfectionism, they have unrealistic expectations of themselves and beat themselves up when they don’t achieve them. Despite this, they achieve what is required of their roles.

They know that to achieve their full potential there are certain things they need to do consistently to create new, helpful habits. For example, they know that when they are tired, they are more likely to experience imposter syndrome, a lack of self-confidence, and other self-limiting beliefs. And they know that when they get sufficient sleep at night, start the day with meditation and exercise, they are at their optimal.

Instead, they procrastinate and stay up late watching the latest Netflix series or other distraction, not getting enough sleep, and feeling tired in the morning. Because they are tired, they don’t get up as early as they would like and so don’t have the time to do those things that set them up to be their best possible selves. Because they are not at their best, the negative chit chat goes on in their mind, telling them that they aren’t good enough.

By raising their tolerance levels and not being so hard on themselves, they don’t set themselves unrealistic expectations. Self-acceptance enables them to believe that they are good enough and acknowledge their achievements.

Staying too long in your comfort zone because you’re afraid of stepping out and failing

The third common scenario I see is where someone stays in an environment that they find dissatisfying. They procrastinate about doing anything to find a more satisfying role because staying in their comfort zone trumps the fear of failure of stepping out and doing something different.

They know what they want to do and what is needed to achieve it. They recognise that there isn’t scope to do what they really want to do in their current organisation. And they also feel guilty about leaving because it’s such a nice place to work, and their employer has been good to them. ?

The thought of stepping out into the unknown can lead us to believe that we will fail. Over focusing on failing can instil fear. Addressing the fears and putting the situation into perspective can help you to rationalise the situation, giving you the confidence to do what you know you want to do.

Procrastinating because of fear is a coping mechanism for some people. But the danger with this is that they stay as they are in a dissatisfying situation. If this is you, address the fear and you will get a different outcome.

Has fear ever been at the root of procrastination for you? If so, how did you address it?

About Me

I am an Executive and Career Coach specialising in introverted women who are senior leaders. I've been the featured expert in Women and Home Magazine, Good Housekeeping Magazine, the Telegraph, on BBC Radio 5 Live, named a LinkedIn Top Voice UK 4 years running, and received awards for my work developing women leaders.

Through my work I have helped 1000s of women across the globe to increase their confidence, influence and impact as leaders, and overcome imposter syndrome, increase their executive presence, improve speaking performance in meetings, get a promotion, and more.

My vision is that ALL women achieve their full potential and become spheres of influence for positive change in their respective fields.

If you are an introverted woman and a senior leader and want to increase your confidence, influence and impact, take my free assessment and get a report identifying areas to develop. You can take the assessment?here .?

My book Quietly Visible: Leading with Influence and Impact as an Introverted Woman addresses many of the challenges that introverted women face as leaders and shows you how to overcome them. It was listed as one of the 10 best self-development books written by women to read during lockdown by BeYourOwn. You can get your copy?here ?along with a FREE recording of my How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome workshop.

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