Are you the problem in your relationship?

Let’s look at the range of cognitive biases going on in your mind and see if we can stop them and their destructive impact on your relationship.?

Thinking that you are the cause and the problem in your own relationship is a tough concept for your ego to admit. The difficulty is that you might be contributing to the negativity in your relationship without even knowing about it.?

When couples are going through challenges and difficulties, they often look at them through a negative perspective.?

Their perception of how their partner talks to them, their perception of how that makes them feel, how they respond and what they begin to look out for all have an impact.

All these things trigger certain behaviours and omit certain energies.

So overall, your current situation is the result of your perception and outlook on life.?

However people in a healthy relationship look at the same challenges with a positive slant.

They are looking positively at the challenge because they have identified which areas they need to improve upon.?

It can be incredibly difficult in tricky situations, but there really is a gift and opportunity in every scenario. Sometimes it’s just extremely well hidden from sight, but it’s always there.?

The ego is so concerned with being right that it makes it difficult for both people in the relationship to let down their guard and address things with an outlook of empathy, creativity and strategy.

These are the skills that when activated, will bring greater relationship success and happiness in the long run.

If you can embrace these opportunities to change by recognising the patterns of behaviour, you will grow and your relationship will flourish.?

So what is a cognitive bias?

It’s a negative thought process that affects the decisions and judgements people make.?

Sometimes it will be that you remember a past event with a negative bias. As a result, the way you think and the decisions you make in the present moment are also biased.?

Your inability to focus your attention on 100% of the information you receive, leads you to come to biased conclusions. Since you only take in around 30% on average, you need to construct a story that fits your perspective.?

How do they work?

The human brain is incredibly complex and powerful, yet it has limited resources to process information. There are certain rules, formulated through values and beliefs, that allow you to make sense of the world around you.?

We assume that we are being logical and simply evaluating the available information. Unfortunately, sometimes these biases can have a negative effect and cause us to make bad judgements or decisions.

The cause of cognitive bias?

If we were physically or mentally able to take in 100% of the information presented to us, it would take far too long to make simple decisions. Due to the complexity of our world and our there is an overload of information we need to take these shortcuts to act quickly.?

When the mind has to deal with the emotional dynamics in a relationship, individual motivations, social pressures and the mind’s limited processing capability, it can all add to these biases.?

Cognitive Bias Examples…

They are not all the same…

Conservatism Bias - our tendency to stick with what we believe to be true as this is easier than challenging those beliefs, even when the information we are presented with is a credible argument.?

The Biased Blind spot - no one believes they are biased, they just believe everyone else is.?

The Peltzman Effect - when you feel safe, you take more risks. Studies showed that prior to compulsory seat belts in cars, people drove more cautiously. They were more reckless and took greater risks when seat belts were then introduced.

Identifiable Victim Bias - We are more inclined to identify with a story that impacts one person rather than a similar story impacting a large group of people.?

Social Desirability Bias - This is where our inner-pleaser comes from. The vast majority of people hate to think of offending other people so we are always more inclined to tell people what we think they want to hear, rather than what we really think.?

In-Group Bias - We find similarities in other people and are then more inclined to treat these people better than the people we feel we don’t relate to.?

Omission Bias - When we view negative behaviour as worse or not as bad, depending on who the action affects.?

The Mirror-Exposure Effect - This is when we are exposed to the same behaviour for long enough that we start to feel drawn towards it. This is often used in marketing by repeating the same advert over and over again until it sticks.?

Insight is the first step towards change and a better understanding of how these biases might be impacting your actions are a great starting point.?

I hope you found this interesting and useful.?

Please do drop me a comment with any thoughts you might like to add.?

To find out more about how my Relationship Reboot Program can support you to a healthier relationship, please feel free to send me a private message.?