Are You Practising Self-Love?

TikTok is running a #mentalhealthawareness x #selfcare campaign this entire month of May and I had the privilege to join Eric Feng (CSP) - Global Speaker weekly LIVE session whereby we hang out with the community and destress together. It was an intense one-hour session because so much to share yet so little time!

Takeaway 1: Don't ask a blind man for directions

We usually turn to our closest to seek comfort and ask for advice, because we trust that they will have our best interests.

However, it can be true that what they think is best for us may not really be the best for us. It is also true that they may not fully comprehend what is happening and instead of benefitting from their advice (which is only based on their experiences/hearsay), you add more stress (or trauma) to your existing stress (or trauma).

Let me share a simple real-life encounter which happens quite frequently with job seekers:

It was a gruesome few months of job searching and after numerous rejections, Michelle finally have some interviews scheduled. She was elated and shared this happy news with her partner. After knowing which companies she is going to interview for, her partner said that she should have approached ABCDE instead. During the online interview, Michelle shared about her salary expectations when asked and felt that she had quoted something that is fair and comfortable for her. At the end of the call, her partner questioned her replies and said that she should have done WXYZ. Michelle did not feel confident about her decision and it is gradually affecting her self-esteem. She is also becoming more reserved about sharing with her partner.

It may not sound like anything serious to us because we are not Michelle. In fact, don't you think you can find similar cases like this in your daily life? Imagine the compounding effect of these stressors (recall here).

And what if this is not a case of job search, but a case more dire?

I am not calling our loved ones "blind", I think it is really important that if we intend to seek advice from people who aren't in the best position to guide us, we need to have an internal 'filter' system and learn to draw relevancy to our own situation.

p/s If you are going through situations whereby professional help will be more effective, it will not be wise to not take in all the advice from people who are not equipped and trained.

Takeaway 2: Comparing is not going to get you anywhere close to happiness

In the LIVE session, at least 50% of the audience felt inadequate because they have been comparing with what is supposed to be the 'standard success'. A few of them mentioned that if they are modelling after their role models, then such comparisons are good to have.

I am not saying that we should not compare because sometimes healthy competition and reality checks are good for us. The challenge here is, how to compare.

Takeaway 3: Find a support system

Please don't trust yourself that you are invincible. We all have blind spots, we all can be caught up in the moment, and we all have our vulnerable moments. So please surround yourself with people who elevate you.

Conclusion: Please be kind to yourself by

1. Being accepting: If no two people can have the same DNA, why do you need to force-fit yourself into something that is not congruent to you? You do you.
2. Being aware: You got to understand yourself (e.g. values, beliefs) and not expect someone else to take on that responsibility for you.
3. Being patient: Change takes time

Becoming Irreplaceable?aims to empower fellow professionals to build sustainable and meaningful careers, and taking the control back for us to increase our own happiness index!