You poorly reflected on 2017, and this is how it's killing your mental game.

I came to a startling realization at the end of 2017. As I reflected on the past year, I started to define my success exclusively by how far I had come professionally.

In that process, I found myself filled with anxiousness. As I compared myself to my millionaire friends, I felt an immense weight hovering over me, telling me that I was so far behind where I was supposed to be.

I had a lot of questions shortly after mulling over my 2017. Here is what I learned:

1. Social media channels are flooded with optimistic entrepreneurs who swear by the Gary V motto of “hustle until you die”. There is this movement occurring where everyone wants social reassurance that they are making progress in life. They sugar coat their personal wins and craft their story to sound so much better than their reality. Frankly, it’s poisonous to only ponder and bear witness to the triumphs. Progress is war, it’s emotional, it’s tiresome, it’s a grind. I’d rather people embrace a stoic attitude, where they are cognizant of the probability of setbacks and failure, then continue to swim in a sea of positivity that neglects the hard realities of success.
2. There’s more to life than your work. We fall into this trap of defining our identity by what we’ve done professionally. One of the first questions we ask a person when we meet them is “what do you do?” Instead, ask “what inspires you?” or “what makes you feel alive?” I sat down with my brother this Christmas and we started by asking each other a big question: what does success look like for you? My older brother battled through cancer twice in the last decade, and he told me bluntly that what matters to him most is that he has a loving wife by his side who he can grow with, learn from, and make happier. Doing work he loves was a plus, but not his main priority. Beyond your work, you have family, friends, community, aspirations, ideas, travel experiences, your values. You have the little actions you take every year to better someone else’s life. Don’t get caught up in defining yourself by how much money you’ve made or what technology you’ve built. Look to the bigger picture. Successful people are not one-dimensional. Successful people often value human connection above all else.
3. When you “have it all”, you may want to start back at zero. I remember sitting down with a friend who had just sold his second company. It had made him a multi-millionaire, and I’ll never forget what he wanted to do next. He wanted to walk away from everything. He despised how the technology he was helping to spread was undermining people’s ability to genuinely connect with each other. He talked about how his defining moment was spent absent of technology, serving kids in need, in a dry desert where he struggled to access basic needs during a week of survival training. Coated by wealth, all he desired was having nothing once again. He realized that his monetary achievement played an insignificant role in his overall happiness. It made him more insecure, it made him realize that the destination wasn’t the purpose, it was rather the journey. So don’t get caught up in the goal of wealth. Pursue passion and process.
4. It’s okay to fail, get discouraged, and breakdown. I talked with family over the holiday’s about my life’s defining moment. It was when I was in the middle of Nepal’s 2015 earthquake. How I felt in that time of crisis is similar to how I feel when I pursue any new challenge. I am uncertain because of the risk, but energized by the opportunity. I am scared by the possibility of failure, but humbled and optimistic about the possibility for growth and renewal. We will all fail at relationships, work, and leisure activities more than we will succeed. View failure as an integral part of success and stay focused on experimentation. Don’t let setbacks mold you into a quitter. Regardless of your outcome, persist. And persist until you achieve your moments of wholeness and progress.

In this next year, I will make a concentrated effort to take life one step at a time. I will accept my failures and walk with fortitude and commitment toward progress. I will become more comfortable with needing less in my life. I will value human connection, community, and personal growth more than anything else. I will travel far and wide. I won’t get caught up in the inspirational quotes. I will ground myself in reality and grind my way through the challenges until progress is reached. I will never give up.

What will you do this year to ensure your version of success is reached?