Will You Play With Me? Killing the Career Game....But Lonely as H-ll
Dr Rochelle Parks-Yancy
Professor of Human Resources; Resume Writer-Slayer; Career Coach; Books' Author; Workshop Leader; Content Creator/Editor; I Am MY #1 Brand; Career Bad-ssery Expert
Making friends is not that easy, especially after school ends. We're on our career paths and trying to reach the next brass ring. We move around, we get laid off, we get fired, we get promoted, we get demoted, we make lateral moves. We're busy! With our work, with our families, with our bills, with our life. And friendly coworkers are not necessarily friends.
But, at some point, we may look around and realize the truth: We're lonely. We have many acquaintances, but few, if any, friends. The friends you had in school, you've lost touch and/or have nothing in common anymore. You've met people at networking events, but you don't really keep in touch, unless it's work-related. This adulting thing is cool, but, wow, there's no playground close by to go to and make friends. It's hard now because people are busy and, we, reasonably so, are suspicious of friendly overtures (do they want to use me to get ahead?).
Years ago, shortly after moving to a new city (one of many), I went to a party. No one knew anyone. There came a point when all of us were just sitting around, not talking. It was very awkward. So a woman and I looked at each other and said hello. Then we talked about our work, then about where we were from, stuff we liked to do, etc. At the end of the evening, I made a decision. I would ask her if she wanted to play, aka ask her if she wanted to hang out sometime. Fortunately, she said yes and we became good friends.
Since then, I've moved other places and asked other people to play with me. Sometimes it has worked, other times it was a no-go. But, I learned that I had to willing to put myself out there, if I hoped to get friendship in return. In short, I had to be a friend to make a friend.
Moral of the story: We all need a few friends. People with whom we can laugh, cry, get social and career support, and will give a damn if we're sick or just got fired. So be willing to ask others to play with you and don't get discouraged if some say no (they're probably doing you a favor). Work is great, but, it won't help you solve that career dilemma nor laugh at your unfunny jokes nor visit your mom who has dementia and pretends like she knows who you are. Friends will.
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My first book, The Cash-Strapped Person's Guide to Thriving in the Digital Age, is available online at many retailers.
7 年I was going to say Meetup.com as well. If you're religious, attending services at the house of worship of your choice is a great way of making new friends--and the chances are even better if you get involved with a certain committee or study group. I also found that if you have a serious problem--whether it's with alcohol or dealing with a problem relative--attending meetings of a support group is also a great way of meeting new people and making lasting friendships. When my husband suddenly walked out on me without ever mentioning that he was unhappy, I started attending weekly support group meetings for people who are separated or divorced. I met a lot of wonderful people through that group whom I would have never met otherwise.
Manager, Resilient, Calm Under Pressure, Solution Goalie, U S Veteran
7 年Giving yourself the permission to make a friend. Also going on meetup.com and take a chance of really meeting people and allow yourself to enjoy fun.
Great article. Thank you for your insight.