Are you a perfectionist?
Lis Cashin
Creating workplaces where people and performance thrive. Award-winning keynote and TEDx speaker, consultant, coach and facilitator. MSc Positive Psychology, Organisations and Leadership
“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” - Dr. Brene Brown
Dear Women Leaders,
From all the women I have worked with over the past 20 years many have been trapped in feeling the need to be perfect. We strive relentlessly to meet impossibly high standards, hoping that by looking perfect and doing everything perfectly, "we can escape the shackles of shame, judgment, and blame", as Dr. Brene Brown tells us. However, she adds, "Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system" and our attempts to avoid feeling shame, judgment or blame usually end in us feeling exactly these things. In this week's newsletter, we take a closer look at the roots of perfectionism, its close connection to imposter syndrome, and share practical strategies to break free from this destructive cycle.
Unmasking the Roots of Perfectionism: Perfectionism often starts in our childhoods, where we might have been conditioned to seek approval through getting things right - and not getting them wrong. We then believe that we need to do things in the right way to win approval, we are not worthy just as we are. This early programming can persist into adulthood, shaping our belief that our self-worth hinges on never making mistakes and getting things right. Society's relentless pursuit of "perfection" further fuels this belief system, making us feel that anything less is unworthy.
The Perfectionism-Imposter Syndrome Connection: Perfectionism and imposter syndrome are like two sides of the same coin. When we strive for perfection, we set ourselves up for feelings of inadequacy because perfection is an unattainable goal. These feelings of inadequacy can then trigger imposter syndrome, where we constantly fear being exposed as frauds despite our achievements. The need to maintain a perfect fa?ade becomes a relentless cycle, increasing imposter syndrome.
There are ways we can look to break free from perfectionism:
Recognise the Patterns: The first step is self-awareness. We need to become aware of this pattern in our life and how it is impacting us.
Challenge the Belief System: Remind yourself that perfectionism is a belief system, not a reflection of reality. Understand that making mistakes is a fundamental part of growth and learning. Embrace the idea that vulnerability and imperfection are sources of strength.
Set Realistic Goals: Establish achievable, meaningful goals that align with your values. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for progress and excellence. Celebrate your victories, no matter how small.
Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you'd offer a close friend. Understand that making mistakes does not diminish your worth. Cultivate self-compassion as a tool for resilience.
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Seek Support: Share your struggles with trusted friends, mentors, coaches or a therapist. Talking about your perfectionism can help you gain perspective and sometimes, if this pattern is rooted in trauma, we will need some professional support to help us to change these patterns safely.
Mindfulness and Relaxation: Engage in mindfulness practices and relaxation techniques to manage anxiety and stress that often accompany perfectionism.
Celebrate Imperfection: Make it a habit to celebrate your imperfections and vulnerabilities. They are part of what makes you unique and authentic.
Remember, the path to self-worth is not paved with perfection but with self-acceptance and growth. As women leaders, we have the power to redefine success on our terms, letting go of the unrealistic standards of perfection. Embrace your authenticity, and watch your self-worth flourish.
Stay true to yourself,
Lis
Lis Cashin (She/Her)
Join the Self-Worth Revolution for Women Leaders and Entrepreneurs?here
I help women overcome self-doubt & lead with authenticity, purpose & unshakable self-worth
Empowering Non-Native English speakers to ask for clarity with confidence| Recognised as Top 1000 speakers of the Country ?? | Host of Podcast ‘simplifying_life_with_kashira’| Award-Winning Keynote Speaker ??
1 年I so agree. Somehow we keep putting in efforts to be perfect, to be good all the time. We need to learn to take life little easy on all fronts..??
??Sr. Engagement Manager I ?? Leadership I Entrepreneurship I Impact I ?? Women's empowerment network leadership I #IAmRemarkable facilitator
1 年Nice article and very true! Personally, As someone who actually tends to be perfectionist, I work everyday hard to remind myself that is ok if a deck is not perfect, is ok if my answer is not fully there and that is ok to take a step back and also let other bring their ideas to the imperfection. Perfectionism also means that when you present something to someone else it is so advanced already that others might feel they cannot contribute anymore. In turn, this will generate to yourself stress and frustration because you might wonder why others do not contribute, but by letting imperfections (as hard as it can be for some of us) be visible you are actually creating an inclusive space. This does not mean that you should not deliver quality work, but that sometimes we do not need to deliver already the final versions of everything. Often the V1 of things is already good enough to kickoff the discussions.