Are You People-Pleasing Without Realising It?

Have you ever found yourself holding in a full bladder because you didn’t want to interrupt listening to someone’s story and seem rude? Or laughed at a joke you didn’t understand just to avoid looking clueless?

In this article, I am sharing 9 examples of ways in which most people are not expressing their boundaries. If you recognise yourself in any of the examples below, you might be unconsciously people-pleasing - and as a result, living inauthentically.

You see, how we do one thing is how we do everything. These small, seemingly harmless moments often reflect deeper patterns of prioritising others’ comfort over our own truth. Let’s explore a few familiar scenarios that might resonate with you:

1. The "I'll Brrrrrush It Off"

You’re freezing because someone left the window open, but instead of asking to close it, you sit there, trying to hold your shivers so you don’t seem demanding.

2. The "Hmm, That's Actually Good!"

You’re served a meal that’s… let’s say, not great. But instead of being honest, you smile and say, “It’s delicious!” and maybe even ask for seconds to avoid hurting others' feelings.

3. The "Neck Workout"

You nod along to a conversation you don’t understand, pretending to follow just so you don’t have to say, “I’m sorry, can you explain that?”

4. The "Yes Man!"

You agree to attend a 6 AM yoga class or a party you know you’ll hate, just because you don’t want to seem ungrateful or uninterested.

5. The "Accidental ATM"

Someone asks to borrow money, and even though you’re not comfortable with it, you say yes because you don’t want to come across as stingy or unhelpful.

6. The "Silent Haircut Horror"

The hairdresser is cutting your hair way shorter than you wanted, but instead of speaking up, you smile and say, “That's nice, thank you!”

7. The "Door-Runner"

Someone holds the door open for you so far away that you have to jog awkwardly towards them, just because you don't want to seem ungrateful.

8. The "Text Paralysis"

You spend way too much time rewriting a simple text to make sure it doesn’t sound too blunt, overly friendly, or accidentally offensive.

9. The "Laugh at Everything" Reflex

Someone tells a bad joke, and you laugh like it’s hilarious just to avoid that awkward silence where their joke clearly bombed.

These small moments might seem harmless, but they add up. Every time you put someone else’s comfort above your own truth, you’re reinforcing the belief that your needs don’t matter. And when this becomes a pattern, it’s easy to lose sight of your authenticity.

The funny thing is, people often respect us more when we’re honest. Setting boundaries and communicating with love doesn’t push people away - it creates clarity and connection.

So try this:

1. Next time you’re cold, ask for the window to be closed.
2. If you don’t understand something, say, “Can you explain that?”
3. Practice saying “no” to one thing this week, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Remember, these small shifts aren’t just about boundaries - they’re about reclaiming your authenticity. And the more you practice, the more natural it feels.

If you recognise yourself in any of the above and want to change that, schedule a call with me here. I have a program in which I teach you in 12 weeks to say "no" without feeling guilty, so you can reclaim your time, prioritise yourself, and live a life that is truly in alignment with YOU (instead of the version you've been showing the world).

Mick Rutjes

#PeoplePleasing #BoundariesMatter #SelfAwareness #AuthenticLiving #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalIntelligence #HealthyBoundaries #MindsetShift #Authenticity #PersonalDevelopment