Are you a people-pleaser?

It is without a doubt that sharing with our loved ones, helping them when they’re in need, the feeling of solidarity, and undertaking the most ordinary and simple actions for each other in difficult times make us feel that we are not alone against the difficulties of life and that we are valued. However, sometimes we cross a limit and then what we do for the other person starts to take things away from us. Moreover, it harms our relationship. In other words, being too much of a giver can also be damaging.

Constant trying to please others and make life easier for others at the expense of consuming ourselves is a behavior that we observe and internalize primarily in our childhood. When we witness a family member selflessly attending to the needs of others without complaint, sacrificing their energy, happiness, personal space, and aspirations, it normalizes such behavior for us. On the other hand, since this is the way of relating and loving that we observe, we also behave in this way in our own lives.

People who are too giving:

• They are doing things for others that others could do themselves.
• They find it difficult to listen to someone in difficulty since all they’re thinking about is taking action to ease the existing pain.
• They take on many tasks even when there is no request addressed to them.
• They find it difficult to ask for or accept help.

Why do we exhibit such behavior? This question elicits numerous answers, each shedding light on our motives. Exploring these reasons will enable you to identify your own and enhance your awareness of this issue. Consequently, you can transition to a healthier perspective on giving.

• To compensate for feelings of inadequacy. "I am a bad mother/child/partner, I will make up for it by doing everything for everyone."
• To decrease the feeling of being ashamed of our own need for attention. We either hide behind an appearance of being invincible, overcoming everything without ever needing help, or we try to satisfy these needs by seeking appreciation for what we do.
• Belief that people will only love us if we please them.
• Taking on the role of parent in the family as a result of our parents' lack of attention in our childhood.

If you find it difficult to understand whether you are a people pleaser or the level of attention and help you give to people is just right, it may help to ask yourself the following questions:

• Do I feel resentment for what I do for others and for what I cannot do for myself?
• Does the other person need help with this? If so, how much help do they need?
• Do I find myself acting as a people pleaser because I believe I am unlovable or not good enough?

When you start to forget yourself #RelateByYourSide!

The biggest reason why we become people pleasers is that we have difficulty setting boundaries, being aware of our values, and recognizing our own needs. But it is possible to improve in these areas and build healthier relationships! If you see yourself as a bit too giving and constantly trying to make people happy at the expense of ignoring yourself, you can start your journey of "Awakening Your Authentic Self Esteem".

How about spending some time for yourself instead of constantly trying to please others? If your answer is yes, we are here with a series that you will not be able to stay away from My Brilliant Friend. Adapted from Elena Ferrante's unforgettable Naples Series, this 4-season series follows the 60-year friendship of two women while rediscovering many issues about love, friendship, enmity, and society. In the background, we witness Italy's 60-year history of ups and downs.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life - Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Isn't setting boundaries a self-centered act? Is it possible to establish limits and remain compassionate? What defines acceptable boundaries? If you feel confused answering all these questions, don’t worry! Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend provide guidance to address the answers to these challenging questions in their book. They illuminate ways to establish positive boundaries with family members, friends, colleagues, and even with ourselves.