Will You Pass the Grocery Store Test in 2023?

Years ago, a friend told me she wasn't one to burn bridges. If she ever bumps into a customer or colleague at the grocery store, she doesn't want them to try to avoid her.

I've tried to take her idea to heart. I envision a future day, 15 or 20 years down the road, when I'm pushing a cart down the cereal aisle, and I spot a former business acquaintance selecting a box of Cap'n Crunch from the shelf.?

The person then sees me, and instead of spinning on her heels or simply giving me a head nod, 'hello,' a smile appears on her face. She approaches my cart and engages me in a bit of small talk. I leave feeling better about myself, glad I took my friend's advice all those years earlier. Content that I hadn't burned a bridge.

I've learned that the difference between burning bridges and shutting doors involves more than just how nicely I deliver the 'no.' While burning bridges leaves relationships in tatters and opportunities destroyed, closing doors merely says, 'I appreciate the opportunity, but the fit isn't great right now. But let's keep the conversation moving if possible.'

The surprising thing is that although my mind shifted from burning bridges to shutting doors, I've realized that effectively closing a door involves a strong understanding of my priorities and the perspective of the person who offered the open door in the first place. If I want to maintain that relationship, I need to do more than say, 'thanks but no thanks.'

Saying 'no' to an opportunity brings baggage with it. The other person may be offended; no matter how gracious I am, they are still dealing with rejection. Processing rejection takes time, and I need to allow the person to do so. I may have said 'no,' but they still need their issues addressed.?

One of the best ways to turn a potentially burned bridge into a nicely shut door is to help the other person find someone who can meet their needs. By doing so, we are holding it open for someone else instead of closing the door.

I hope that you choose to make 2023 a great year!?

Patrick

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