"You are paranoid in every paragraph how they perceive you"

Before I dive into this obviously Imperfect Pontification, let me apologize to all eight of my loyal readers and followers for the delay in this release! My plan was to take this random set of ramblings and put them out there weekly/every other week until I just ran out of entries to share. And it’s been a beat since I posted one, so I apologize for that. But now, please allow me the grace and support to explain why.

I just have a hard time posting these musings when there’s actual real news and stories in the world that are, in my own humble opinion, worth engaging in and trying to activate your life around. The past several weeks have been tragic with more mass shootings and people’s parents, friends, brothers, sisters and jeesh…people’s children…losing their lives from senseless gun violence. I couldn’t stand thinking about social or professional network posts while so much chaos was happening in the “real” world. I felt these same feelings when George Floyd was murdered, and when I saw first person, rioting and looting and again, awful acts of violence both BY police and public figures and AGAINST police and public figures. I stopped posting stupid stuff on Instagram and Facebook and referred my mom to go look at our family blog if she really needed / wanted pictures of the kids or of the new tank tops I procured. It seems irrelevant and callous to post first person narratives that, no matter how much sensitivity and relevance they may have, shutter in comparison to real acts of racism and divide the past couple of years / centuries have illuminated. And, I feel the same way about this blog series as well, particularly after Evalde which just absolutely wrecked me. I don’t know those kids, or those parents, but man, I felt my own heart physically break and I still get teary-eyed and prayer exhaustion thinking about them. I needed some time for current events to be less shocking and tragic, so I stopped with the blog series. So since I’m posting this latest rambling now, does that mean we’re “past the bad news?” Unfortunately, and tragically – we are not. I realized that the bad news just keeps coming, I don’t know when common sense and just an aligned sense of humanity will “win.” And that’s sort of sad, and frustrating to think about. So I’m not just moving on and I know to manage my own expectations accordingly that bad things happen in the world. I also hope that in the proper context and with all due respect to all of this bad news around us, there’s an opportunity to effectively distract people from it and maybe even focus on all the good news that does actually exist as well. So that’s why I’m posting again. Not because it’s more important or relevant than *real stuff* that’s out there – but because I hope by reading these, your eyes stay a little more dry while you take a break from all that’s happening around you. There that is, hope you understand.

dwt.

Whenever I think about the one thing I want to hold myself most accountable to and therefore, absolutely be the anchor tenant in my “brand,” I always come back to one word: Authenticity. I want people to know when they get me, they get ME. Not a veneer or false narrative, they get me and all the sincerity and personality flaws that I possess. And I know I won’t always be right or politically correct, or sensitive to somebody else’s agenda or lived experiences – but I will be me. And I’ll screw up being me because I took a quick spot-poll and it turns out, I’m not perfect…as of today’s date anyway. And when I screw up, I promise that I’ll be open to feedback and have empathy for others’ perspectives. And further, I’ll be open to change and being a better person because when it comes down to it, being me and who I am is literally the only thing I can control in this entire universe.

And I think from just those basic principles, I have a pretty simple framework for being a better person and relatable leader:

• Step 1: Figure out who I am. What I believe, what makes me happy and what bothers me. What interests me, what energizes me, what frustrates the crap out of me. Figure out how I can help other people and where I need help.
• Step 2: Never waiver from what I learned in Step 1. Be that guy. Be authentic in all I say and do in aligning with what I know about from Step 1. Be that guy, always.
• Step 3: Be ready for feedback by executing Step 2. I want to create a climate of empathy and trust around me that I can be both appreciated for who I am but also challenged and educated for what I’m not. The best thing anybody can ever give you to show they care about you is feedback. If nobody calls you on your crap, they don’t care enough about you to invest in your growth. I actually think it’s that simple. So I think if you’re authentic and show up with genuineness (if that’s a word) in every interaction you have, you’ll build more respect and that culture of trust and accountability for people to believe in you and want to help you be better.
• Step 4: Commit to listening, learning, and growing to build a better, more authentic and accountable leader. I can’t think of many things I just don’t have any give to in my life beyond my family, faith, and cultural heritage. And the Portland Trailblazers. But beyond that, everything else is on the table for education and engagement. And I think if you’re authentic with a growth mindset, people will want to help you get better, get more educated, build more empathy and understanding of other peoples’ lived experiences.
• Step 5: Adjust and incorporate your new learnings to create a new Step 1. Rinse and repeat.

Authenticity is a personal quality that is probably more obvious when a leader lacks it, than when they have it. One of the biggest pieces of negative feedback I’ve heard and seen in action from leaders across disciplines in life and work is when people are inauthentic, it’s a death sentence for belief and confidence. So take a minute and really think…do you know more truly authentic leaders or veiled and plastic leaders? Why are some leaders less willing to close their laptop and look somebody in the eye and just be real with another person? I’m sure there are a lot of reasons and frankly, a lot of experiences some people have had that lead them to not being their true, authentic self when they show up every day. And those are all valid and I wouldn’t dare judge or blame anybody for doing what they need to do on a daily basis to “survive and get by.” Some people know they’ll be judged or exposed if they are “too real,” that’s a fact. I feel that. Some people – actually ALL people that I’ve ever met – have different mechanisms of covering, multiple layers of imposter syndromes and learned behaviors that they won’t expose for fear of failure or eternal brand damage. I feel all of that too. So I get those reasons. I get the playing it safe vs. playing it real at all times is a risky game of jenga with a higher probability of failure if you’re too open and direct as opposed to more generic and non-controversial.

In fact, on Wednesdays and every other Friday I think I may have a bit of a personality, good and bad at times (it’s rumored). Yet I find myself pushing mute on thoughts and things I would have previously brought a ton of energy around depending on the situation. But that doesn’t mean I’m fake. I think it’s important to know your audience, display an understanding of the room and the appropriate executive maturity. I think we need filters in life and in dialogue sometimes. But my philosophy is that you can still be authentic while being measured and aware of your surroundings. Just like I can be hungry without rationally stealing somebody else’s food. Being in control, but being honest with yourself through your interactions is what authenticity is all about. And not everybody is comfortable with blunt feedback, or transparency, or a too serious or silly tone at times so you have to adapt, but still be true and real with who you are and how you engage with people. And it’s hard. And I think it’s hard because some people are still trying to achieve Step 1 above, and really figure out who they are. And sometimes, people in all sorts of relationships achieve their identity through how others’ perceive them. And that becomes the obsession, rather than the biproduct of healthy interactions with people. If we lived in a world where you could do or say something stupid but nobody recorded it, wrote it down, remembered you for it….would you be more honest and direct at times? Would you be more vulnerable, not have all the answers, ask for more help….if you knew that nobody would think differently about you afterwards? If there was no record or mental blocks being compiled by those we work with, work for, and work for us…would you be more you, and less “the image of what you want to be known for?” The paranoia of how you are perceived by others seems to always carry more weight than the actual engagement or interaction that earned you that brand in the first place. I’d make a whole boatload more mistakes if I wasn’t worried about how people felt about me afterwards. So in a sense, without having one of those Men in Black memory erasing things (dating myself, I know), true “authenticity” feels really challenging to achieve as a leader. Have I ever met one person who was 100% authentic all the time? How would I know, how would I actually tell? My head hurts and I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Okay, I’m re-writing my Step 2: Be that guy….that your parents would be proud of, that your team can look up, that your peers can count on like, 99% of the time. Be that guy. And always keep in mind that if you can achieve this, people will remember you as a truly authentic leader anyway and look at that, you didn’t even have to stress about it in all the moments that actually mattered. You’ll actually be known and remembered for being real because that’s actually who you are.

dwt. ?

**As a reminder, these are not 'leadership lessons' that I personally have mastered, but rather what I refer to as my own IP, my 'Imperfect Pontifications', where I wallow on mistakes I've made and key learnings I took away. It’s not a blueprint for success but rather something I hope you’ll read and find thought provoking and, more importantly, a kinship or allyship with professional growth and leading through the same challenges I’ve messed up on several times over. I’m not a professional writer and have no marketers, legal, or spiritual leaders “producing this production,” it’s just me. So there will be grammatical errors and conflicting points and I love that. I hope you do too!?It's not a representation or an official perspective of my current employer and cultural identity, but thanks for asking :).