YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF

This past January, I tripped on a rug, fell, broke my femur bone and needed hip surgery. This was my first surgery ever and launched a great adventure that was exposing me to new life lessons?constantly.?Partly as a rationalization,?I took these teachings as gifts to use in daily life once I got back to “normal” and old routines.

I’d been instructed to do specific leg exercises every waking hour?to hasten?the healing of the muscles in my leg that were?traumatized by the fall and cut by the surgery.?One morning at 5 AM when vitals were checked, Nurse Pinky said it was a good time to exercise. I reminded her that those painful movements were best done during wake-time, not sleep-time. Then?she reminded me that I was clearly awake and that “You owe it to yourself” to do things that are good for you.

What a beautiful mantra: “You owe it to yourself.” Useful every day in every way. A powerful motivator to inspire action that realizes dreams,?inches us closer to our goals, empowers us to remember that sometimes others can’t do things for us. WE?have to make the effort ourselves.

I had a huge breakthrough that morning. I was able to raise my right knee?four?inches toward the ceiling, rather than just the half-inch up to that time. Thank you Nurse Pinky for pushing me to discover capabilities I had but didn’t know that I had.

I also learned that people who schedule total hip replacements are usually walking weeks before people who’ve had accidents and leg surgery involving just half a hip like I did. The bruised, inflamed muscles require a longer recovery. So does the presence of adrenaline from the trauma. But the mental adjustment to unexpected injury plays a huge part in the healing. Those choosing elective surgery know what’s coming and are informed calmly in advance about the whole process. This gives them an enormous psychological edge?over those who are shocked, startled patients like me. In fact professional athletes who injure their knees are often told to wait 2-4 weeks before surgery, so their bodies AND MINDS can calm down and lead to the best post-operative results.

Preparing for life’s hurdles and setbacks by having plans to attack anticipated problems are useful ways to handle daily living. But so many people never consider?in advance?what to do when they encounter likely traumas. First, they are shocked. Then they react on the spot without a plan. They thought they were invincible, wouldn’t get sick,?wouldn’t?get fired,?wouldn’t?get divorced,?didn’t?need insurance,?don’t?yet?need?to start?a nest egg,?don’t need to plan for possible?futures. But you owe it to yourself!

Be realistic. Be aware. Ask around. EVERYONE has traumatic times. You cannot escape them. They are part of being alive. Unavoidable. So plan ahead. Anticipate. Then the shock of encountering the bad times that you face won't be so horrible and lengthy.

One of the most memorable moments I had in the hospital happened as I was being wheeled to the operating room. I was a bit anxious, but ready to accept death if something went wrong.?That was when Nurse Robin (whom I had not met before) held my hand and told me everything was going to be fine. Her assertion helped ease my fears.

After a successful surgery, Nurse Robin was there again. I told her how unbelievably comforting her warm hands and soothing words were. She said, “I love what I do,” as if that explained how reassuring her touch was. But I am not used to affectionate touch from strangers. It felt so good.

And the caring touches continued. Be it a gesture from my at-home caregiver who placed her warm hand on the top of my foot as she said good night or from my physical therapist who puts her encouraging hand on my shoulder. These simple strokes of affection and concern when I was wounded and anxious were way more impactful than I ever imagined.?

Maybe there is a way to comfort others with a gentle touch. I have seen videos of people offering “FREE HUGS” in train stations. But that’s way too extreme for me. While I am comfortable hugging family and close friends, only handshakes are permissible among strangers. But that is pretty limited. Plus men being affectionate with female associates is a real danger zone these days, because it can be misinterpreted as harassment. There must be a way to not cross boundaries and still express caring and concern for someone who is hurting or scared. Thank goodness I was comforted when vulnerable by such acceptable and surprising caresses. I am sure Nurse Robin loves what she does partly because she can see how dramatically her efforts calm her patients. So satisfying.

I?discovered that shyness isn’t practical, when you are totally naked, and four female nurses are chatting and?giving?you a sponge bath simultaneously. They’ve seen it?all hundreds of times, and?are way past judgments about?genitals.

Shaking up old mindsets about privacy and body parts is probably healthy in many ways. I’d known for decades about relaxed visitors to nudist camps, topless beaches,?skinny-dipping, naked massages by naked body workers in swimming pools,?where Styrofoam noodles buoy the client’s neck and legs,?and Japanese families bathing au naturel together in hot springs. I’d participated myself in some of these pleasures. But it’s a different dynamic, when I was the only person unclothed.?I can’t wait to discover how this lesson will improve my everyday life?

I am not a macho guy, but I am independent, and I assumed it was best to do for myself as much as I could after surgery. Making my legs struggle and strain would strengthen them faster. And my upper body also had many new demands forced on it by the surgery and bedridden inactivity. So I was tough and self-reliant wherever possible.

One day around noon, when Zack delivered my lunch, I rejected his offer to arrange my food more conveniently on the tray. “You know it’s OK to accept help sometimes,” he advised me gently and caringly. Though I am probably 60 years older, he seemed to be the wise guru instructing his arrogant disciple. I loved that tender moment when I was reminded of my new, much more dependent relationship with the world.

Another major discovery was how anxious I was to take each new step (literally). The day after surgery, I was forced to walk—I took three steps. But even though I used a walker and a nurse was holding me, I imagined my?“bad” leg collapsing and the chance of breaking another bone. The next day was six steps, the next day was 60 feet of walking, then 230 feet, 350 feet. Handling each new challenge was preceded by fear and then followed by exhilaration as the goal was reached or surpassed.?

It took me two weeks at home before I dared to go into the room where I had fallen. Prior to getting into the car for a first doctor visit from home, I couldn’t visualize how I’d access the passenger seat…and rotate my body 90 degrees left to face front. When the physical therapist told me to start using the cane at home instead of the walker, I was afraid I would fall again, and this time I would hit my head and die, just like the comedian Bob Saget.?But I was encouraged by doctors, nurses and therapists who had advised hundreds of patients and know how human bodies generally heal, at what stage, and what I am probably capable of. They have context. I have none.

I read that facing your fears, embracing them, and then pushing through them is almost always better than avoiding and ignoring them. We can achieve much more than we imagine. But people usually remain in their comfort zones of familiarity and minimal risk.

I remember telling a 20-year-old girl who worked for me that I wanted to promote her to department head in my book publishing company. She was terrified and started crying uncontrollably in the restaurant where we were at. But I convinced her to take the chance and accept the challenge to grow and expand her skills, income, and career. I was certain she would succeed. And she did.

Ready to take on your fears? Or help others deal better with theirs? Maybe you can be the encouraging caregiver who pats a hurting person respectfully on their shoulder and discovers something new that you love to do.

One of my most significant takeaways from this accident is how much effort the whole healing process takes. A lady I knew was too lazy after a stroke to do PT that could have enabled her to walk again. So she spent her last 20 years in a wheel chair in nursing homes, totally dependent on 24/7 caregivers. After years of seeing ordinary people like myself wearing casts and using crutches, I now know firsthand about the inconvenience, discomfort, dependency, pain, discipline, and physical therapy that are necessary to recover from bone breaks and other injuries. What I still can’t imagine is what professional athletes have to endure to rehabilitate themselves, so they can compete again at the highest level on the ski slopes, tennis courts and ball fields.

And then there is Mat Hoffman, one of the top BMX (bicycle motocross) riders, promoters, and manufacturers. At one point, he had 23 surgeries, 100 concussions, two comas, 60 broken bones, and 300 stitches, some of which he sutured himself, so that he didn’t have to spend time going to the hospital. “If I died with a body that wasn’t completely wrecked, then I’d feel like I wasted it,” Mat said. He views his body as another bicycle part.

What kind of human is this? Can you relate to this mentality at all? He sounds beyond Rambo. A friend of mine was in a car accident, had a concussion and suffered weeks of headaches, nausea, and neck pain. Mat kept creating tricks that resulted in scores of concussions—and time recovering. He is from another planet.

So I am back to comparing: my accident could have been worse. I am still dodging the terminal diagnosis. My brain still works pretty well for a guy who just turned 81 this month. I hope you avoid the bone-break/surgery experience for all or most of your life. And you get your “fair share” of comforting, loving pats and hugs. Just remember that life isn’t “fair,” and trauma is sure to find you.