You only get what you ask for

A few months after launching our brand I received an email from a woman inquiring about one of our bags. I noticed in her signature that she worked at a talent agency and offered to gift it to her if she gave it to three of her clients. She agreed and those celebrities helped put our brand on the map, transforming our business in the process. 

The confidence to ask for what you need puts you in the driver’s seat of your ambition. It starts with self-awareness and gaining clarity around your vision. Then, working backward and examining how you can align your goals to realize it. Once you zero in on your intentions, you’ll awaken to the number of possibilities you encounter every day to fulfill them. 

Take The Female Founder Collective’s partnership with Yelp. It started with a dinner invitation I received during AdWeek. In my response, I asked if they would be interested in creating a filter to distinguish women-owned companies. The simple question sparked a nationwide campaign. Today, over 72,000 businesses have the designation on the platform. 

The more clear you are about what you need, the faster you can identify avenues to advance your efforts. Be present in every environment you’re in and have your opportunity tentacles out. So, when you get that email or business card you’re ready to act. Opportunities will present themselves but they don’t manifest on their own. You only get what you ask for. 

If you aren’t finding yourself in these circumstances, dig a little deeper to discern why: Where and with who are you spending your time? Are you intentionally sharing your ambitions? Surround yourself with people who support your growth and they’ll always amplify your efforts. 

Now, take a look at one of your own goals. What do you need to do or learn to achieve it? I can make an endless list for myself right now. Write it down, then see where you can direct each question. The answers are likely underlying in areas already present in your life, even challenges.  

Carly Zakin and Danielle Weisberg, founders of theSkimm, spoke to this when they reflected on their early fundraising challenges at last year’s Female Founders Day. When they shared the string of ‘No’s’ they were receiving with an advisor, she recommended a simple way to make their time consistently valuable: Leave every meeting by asking for something.

They decided on introductions. Today, if you look back at their early fundraising spreadsheets, alongside all of the initial ‘No’s’ you’ll find a column filled with the connections people made. “No one is going to say, ‘By the way, I know you’re too shy to say it, but I would love to introduce you to these five people who are going to change your trajectory,” they said. You have to ask for that. 

Developing the confidence to be your own advocate is an ongoing process. I’m fortunate to speak at many events, and often travel for them, despite the time away from my kids. Then, one day a friend said: You know you should be getting paid for this, right? I didn’t, and quickly realized it was true. Our time is valuable and we should be compensated for it. So, I set a standard rate and started asking for it. It’s made a big difference, not because everyone agreed to it (they haven’t) but because I decided to focus on the ones where we’re happy to mutually benefit. My speaking engagements have since increased and acknowledging my personal terms, to both myself and others, has even led to occasions I can bring my family.

Asking for what you want feels scary at first but, like a muscle, you’ll get stronger with practice. Stand your ground, and be willing for it not to happen. We hear ‘No’ every day. It doesn’t mean that you missed an opportunity, only that you’ll be better prepared for the next one.  

So, start asking. 

Ask for the meeting. 

Ask for the raise.

Ask for a promotion. 

Ask for help. 

Ask for what you need, and see what happens. 

When did asking for something make a difference in your life? Let me know in the comments!