ARE YOU THE ONE WHO KNOCKS?

To my all English speaking friends - in April I'm going to publish my book. It will cover two key topics: practical self-reflection activities within personal and professional areas + algorithm of creation&implementation of own development strategy. Everything aimed at daily and manageable behaviors. You do it or do it not, tertium non datur. All this based on my almost 18 years of consultancy experience (multiple thousand of careers observed and analyzed) and 6 years of lecturing at Executive MBA courses. At the moment the book will be in Polish, so at least please find below full introduction in English. Mysterious photo above plays a role...

Introduction, or what this book is about

The market today offers a wide range of publications, by both international and local authors, about managing your life and professional development and even more can be found on the Internet. Most of them suggest, in a more or less interesting way, THAT we should do something with our lives and careers. Sometimes it can even be a nice read with plenty of lofty words and just as many beautiful and accurate metaphors, but... they are mostly just lofty words and beautiful metaphors. Motivational speakers and their lectures spring up like mushrooms. Speeches, videos, audiobooks, books and articles, performances from town to town, from venue to venue (with tickets, obviously), almost like concert tours. It is also becoming an increasingly popular gimmick used by companies: let's flock all employees into a big room and commission a speech from a guru; the more expensive he is the better (the cheaper he is the worse he surely must be), the more of a media person we pick, the calmer we'll be able to sleep - the sales levels will automatically shoot up, everyone will start to cooperate better and almost love each other. But then, after the event, somehow, the sales level does not increase, and the mutual respect in the company remains unchanged. Sometimes it even decreases, as the employees were first stimulated and later told to come back to the very same reality. The main beneficiaries are the authors of those bestsellers and the professional motivational speakers (the performances are ticketed after all). It's like the television talent shows - the stars there are the jurors, not the contestants.

Why is there no effect then? Well, because participation in individual motivational meetings or reading/hearing this type of Internet talk has the same value as a New Year's resolution. A moment of elation: we awake the force of a giant, a tiger or whatever else, and then we face something that for years I have pragmatically called "Tomorrow, 9:00 am effect". The tiger has been awoken, I believe I have the power, I want and I can do everything, and the only constraint is my limited thinking. There's nothing left to do but open the window, spread your wings and fly. But... what's the first step to take the morning after, at the symbolic 9:00 am? When the power and confidence boosted by a professional motivator fade and you have to start acting a problem arises. Because he did stimulate you, didn’t he? He told you interesting and funny stories, but there were no particulars for any participant. It's because when you speak to everyone, the message must be general, which is only... that you have to do something with your life, period. And it ends like the aforementioned New Year's resolutions: diet abandoned, smoking quite on the contrary, the job's the same, the boss - we still don't like him; but, he could be much worse, right? This is due to a common misconception, sustained by many bestselling motivational authors and speakers that everything is within us (with this I can partially agree, though I'd advise against opening a window and trying to fly) and this "everything" is practically ready for immediate action (which is already an abuse). According to them, the only thing we are missing is uncapping the bottle with the Genie that awakens the power of a giant, a tiger, a T. Rex, or a Predator – after which solutions and achievements pop out just like the Genie... This sounds good, encouraging even. Just as encouraging as a TV commercial for middle-aged men, ensuring that instead of "bothering" themselves with healthy and balanced lifestyle, systematic exercises and reflections, all they really need is to spread some margarine on their bread. Zero effort, just margarine. Let us sum up this argument with the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger from his bodybuilding era: the muscles only grow with pain; if it does not hurt, you are cheating yourself (loose quotation from "Pumping Iron".) Well, it's not margarine, not miraculous one-time uncapping, but only systematic work. If it does not hurt, you're cheating.

Here we arrive at the purpose of this book. By now all of us know THAT it's worth doing something with your life. You don't need another book to tell you that. There are, however, very few pragmatic publications, well-adjusted to real-life conditions, which could guide you HOW to do something with your life, supporting you in finding your own way, instead of convincing you to reach for universal, pre-processed one-size-fits-all solutions. Moreover, they are often coming from another cultures, which often means almost another worlds. This is my goal: to help you ask yourself a lot of questions (much more precise than "How to live a life?") and discuss the consequences of the answers given so that you can make independent choices based on the awareness of the consequences. I also accept the idea that you may not want to do anything with your life and prefer to go with the flow. I will not urge you to do anything. I will only ask that the decision to do nothing is also made with the awareness of the consequences. Then it's nobody's business what you do or don't do with your life if you are happy with your choices; now and in the future.

The book is divided into two parts. The first deals with the process of self-reflection. You will not get anywhere without it. Without it, whatever we do is building sandcastles. It's self-reflection that creates a foundation. The second part of the book looks into planning professional development and implementing this plan step by step. In short, the leitmotif will be three questions: Who am I? / Where am I? / Where and how do I want to go? We will break these questions into simple ideas that can be analysed on your own. These ideas are also connected to other areas of life. The book contains a logical sequence: one chapter is a natural result of the previous. I can say with full awareness that I am taking you on a thoughtful journey from one port to another. Your goal is to gain control over your most important resources. And at the end, there is a strength resulting from internal balance, from the peace following conscious self-acceptance (not to be confused with self-admiration). Well, why be concerned about that, when you understand yourself and your surroundings and are fully in control your own development? The only things to be concerned about are the health of your loved ones and traffic jams in the streets; you can deal with the rest by yourself.

When we read this kind of publications, we often have a great number of excuses to not do anything at the end: it refers to a different culture; it will not work on our ground; it may sound good, but it's a theory, and my life and problems are so specific that they do not fit into the author's suggestions; the author is a psychologist, so what can he really know about real life and work; the author himself has such a difficult life and he wants to give advice to others... etc. Here, it will not be so easy with this kind of excuses. The author is a business practitioner who himself experiences relevant highs and lows, with a balanced family life and an equally stable personality; moreover, he is consciously happy because he has defined his personal concept of happiness. Someone who first tried (and still does) everything he is writing about. Someone, who has discussed with thousands of people like you their personal and professional choices, learning from them, drawing conclusions, and sharing knowledge. Additionally, the text is intentionally written in an accessible language, replacing complex issues with simpler and plainer elements. The space for excuses has been extremely limited.

Some things have been purposely excluded from the book. I will not bother you with stories of what I have learned visiting the Eskimos, the Aborigines, the Amish, the cannibals, the Martians or by watching bees, wolves or beetles. This is quite a common trick; too common. On one hand, it is supposed to improve the self-esteem of the author, because we are human after all. On the other, referring to places where you most probably have never been to is a form of manipulation and hiding behind the secret knowledge "from out there". Meanwhile, generalising and transferring the customs and experiences of cultures that have developed for hundreds of years in extremely different conditions on our ground, which also took a very long time to shape, is marked by intellectual abuse. I greatly respect these cultures; I welcome diversity and let it be that way. I also admit that I know very little about Martians; in fact, only as much as Ray Bradbury wrote. And finally, the idea to transfer habits of bees, wolves or beetles to the reality of our lives - let me leave it without a comment...

Also, I will not be hiding behind other role models just to discourage you from a possible discussion. There will be no "As my Master used to say" or "When I met this or that guy". In my work, I follow the principle of "No Gods or Kings, Only Man" (I am an avid gamer and this wonderful quote comes from BioShock). There are many people for whom I could carry a briefcase out of respect for their achievements. However, this is not a reason to hide behind them, or what's even worse, make yourself familiar with them by statements such as "When I talked to Peter, Daniel, Robert, Patrick, Sonia..." I will spare you these.

This book is neither... about the author. Although I am entering the age when people become increasingly chatty (Me? Never!), I want this book to be for you, not to confirm me in my own belief that I am a brilliant person. I will be, obviously, referring to my experiences on some occasions. However, it is more about the mistakes and the lessons I learned from them; about a long-term and ongoing process of self-reflection and shaping your own life through blood, sweat and a wonderful sense of freedom. So I will be like a rabbit in a laboratory rather than a pattern to follow. I will, of course, try to impress you with my erudition sometimes. This is the King Julien element, which I have and I'm fully aware of (self-reflection!) and to which I learned to have a healthy distance reinforced with self-irony ("This is the price of my animal perfection" as King Julien would say).

And there will be no pompousness and lofty words. As I have mentioned above, "only man"; so let's stay very human, including a sense of humour.

Where does the title of the book come from? Why “ARE YOU THE ONE WHO KNOCKS?”. The inspiration is Walter White, the main character of the "Breaking Bad" series. From being a chemistry teacher he went down a very wrong path and became a drug producer and distributor. When his wife found out about it, she panicked and shouted out asking whether they were now supposed to live in constant fear (still perceiving him as a dull and clumsy high school teacher) because of his connections with the underworld. Walter's answer to this question went down in movie history and gained a cult status. Point blank Walter White answered that he is no longer the one who, hearing the knock, opens the door  and gets shot. HE IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS...

Walter White became a bad man worthy of condemnation. The quotation, however, perfectly reflects the idea that guides this book. Are you the one who has the initiative and independently manages your own life, or are you waiting for someone to knock on your door? This is what this book is about.