You Never Know What People Are Going Through

Ed note: I posted this on Thanksgiving Day on Facebook. I've pasted it in verbatim. Have a great weekend!

I dialed back the serious stuff on here a while ago but I still like to mix it up with some sanctimony once in a blue moon.

One previous rant touched on the silliness of "Be Kind" T-shirts and coffee mugs and so forth. I completely agree with the sentiment, but the need for such reminders is beyond me. Shouldn't being kind just be a normal behavior?

In more recent years, " ... because you never know what someone is going through" has attached itself to the "Be kind" message. Another truism for sure, but because our catch-phrase-obsessed culture can't be bothered to explore the deeper meanings of things, I'd like to share a few specific examples of what people just might be going through this holiday season.

This is actually the script of a speech I gave to a Toastmasters group a while back, and I hope it might spark some compassion in this time of giving.

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You never know what someone else is going through.

That's one that's been making the rounds in recent years as people feel the need to remind others to be kind.

Because for some reason being kind isn't already our default inclination toward each other as human beings.

But the moment seems to stop right there when someone says "you don't know what someone else is going through." We don't really ever drill down, beneath the surface, get our hands dirty and think specifically about what a quiet friend, a cranky co-worker or a sad-looking stranger on the street could be going through.

Well, in the interest of making things awkward here, I’ve got some very real possibilities:

+ He's battling addiction

+ She's going through a divorce

+ His son got his second DUI

+ Her dog just died

+ He just got diagnosed with cancer

+ She got fired last week

+ His girlfriend is cheating on him

+ Her daughter just got kicked out of college

+ His dad is dying

+ She's stressed from working two jobs

+ He's suicidal

+ Her business is failing

The yard signs and bumper stickers certainly don't explain any of this. That would be weird. They just say "be kind,” in some elegant, flowery font.

But seriously, chances are pretty good that someone you know, someone you see at work every day, someone you see at Thanksgiving dinner today, could be going through one of these aforementioned hardships. Or several of them. Or something even worse.

Some like to say that even the people in your life who look like they have it all together -- good career, good marriage, good looks, lots of friends, great kids, above-average means -- must be struggling with something even if they don't show it.

Now that's certainly possible, but I don't know that that has to be true. Minding the law of averages, surely there are some people who just have great lives with minimal hardships, and that's OK.

But most of us aren't in that group. Most of us have one or the other -- a great spouse but a difficult job, great kids but we're struggling financially, great friends but we're racked with self-doubt or anxiety or depression.

As a longtime newswriter, in more recent years I've developed a passion for writing about things that have absolutely nothing to do with news, things like personal growth and development, human behavior, positive energy, being a decent person.

One thing I wrote a couple years ago was that life doesn't just include bumps along the way. Bumps actually are the way, and they are the things that spark our growth. And the better we are at accepting that, the better I think we'll be at showing empathy and recognizing that we're all in this together.

If we can do that, it might make us more compassionate. We'll be able to recognize that the energy of someone we know, someone we care about -- or even that of a total stranger -- might be just a little off today. That might drive us to check in with that person, to see if he or she is OK. That's part of being kind -- that actually is pretty much what kindness is -- and it's needed in large doses these days.

After all, you never know what someone else is going through.

My friend Jason Hecker posts every Thanksgiving making sure his friends know they can call him at any time if they're struggling. I'd like to follow his great example and share with my squad that I am available to do the same. Don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything, and have a great holiday today!

#kindness #bekind #gratitude #thanksgiving #thankful #lifeisgreat #compassion