You Never Know...

Every year on Memorial Day, I re-post and update an article I wrote several years ago about Freddy Fedder, ?a high school classmate who died from wounds he suffered when his helicopter crashed in the Republic of Vietnam.?

I will doubtless update it and re-post it again this year. The point of the story is not to glorify or honor those who serve, but rather to point out the so much of what happens in life is simply a matter of chance.?

Every year, when I post the article, I receive appreciative notes from well-meaning people thanking me for my service, completely missing the point I was trying to make. My usual mental response to those people is a silent, “Oh well, they mean well.”?

The grainy, dark photograph that opens this article is Freddy Fedder and his infant son, Heath. Until today, I never knew that Freddy had a son. I lost contact with him after I left Bath to join the military.?

But today, while I was eating lunch with my son and grandson, I received this email:

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Subject:?Hi Fred. This is Heath Fedder. Fred's son.

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I was googling myself this afternoon, and as usual my fathers name came up..which is a real rabbit hole. But, it's a windy/rainy day in San Francisco, so I went there. I ended up finding something you wrote about my dad. He must have been a nice person to have someone remember him this many years later.

Don't know what to say. If you have any interesting stories about him, I'd love to hear them. I've been led to believe he was? a saint by everybody my whole life, but I'm no fool. Never meet the guy.

Anyways, nice words on your Linkedin.

https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/freds-2023-fred-crans/

Hope you are healthy and well. Any friend of Fred is a friend of mine.

Heath

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I could not believe what I was reading. Over the years, I have written and published hundreds of articles. On many occasions, people have approached me, written me or emailed me to comment on what I have written.?

But nothing even remotely as moving as this email.?

After I had gotten over the immediate shock, I waited a couple of hours and sent Heath- the infant in the picture who never had the opportunity to have a conversation with his father- an email:?

Hey Heath,

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Great to hear from you. Your dad was a year older than me. He graduated a year before me. He was a very popular guy with both the girls and the other guys. We lived in a small town and in a time very different than today- much, much less complicated. Still, even then, there were folks who were jerks, bullies and assholes. Your father was not one of those guys. I moved to Bath in my Junior year. Under classmen did not hang out with seniors, but your father was always friendly to everyone. After he graduated, he attended Corning Community College. When I graduated the following year and needed a ride to Corning Community, your dad gave me a ride.?

Your dad was not a saint, but he was a genuinely good guy. I never heard him say anything bad about anyone and I never heard anyone say anything bad about him.?

I can’t remember when I learned that your dad had died in the Vietnam War, but it did hit me hard. As I said in my article, I had been a combat corpsman with the Marines in 1966-67 and made it back without incident. I saw my share of combat and treated a lot of guys who were badly wounded or who died, but as a corpsman, you develop a clinical toughness that allows you to do your job. By the time I heard about your dada, it was several years later, and that clinical toughness had long passed. It really hit me hard, and the irony of two guys with the same first name and who graduated from the same high school merited the telling of the story.?

Your father was denied a life due to a stupid, non-sensical war. I got chance after chance.?

I’d love to talk, and I appreciate the email. It gave me the opportunity to connect with an old friend’s son.?

Call any time. 563-503-1847?

Perhaps I should take the time to make the point of this article clear: Words have meanings. Stories that you share impact others’ lives. I first wrote the “Two Freds” article twenty-seven years ago with the goal of paying tribute to an old friend and letting people know that life is an unpredictable series of events.?

But by sharing my story, perhaps I was able to give that little baby boy in the picture one more data point to support what he has heard about his father- that he was a good dude.?

I hope so.?

Take care, Freddy. I met your son today.?

I am honored and humbled.

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