You Are Never Alone

“She speaks teen”, her father said as his daughter beamed with excitement. Comments like these make it feel like human connection is magic, but it’s really rooted in science. Situations like these have inspired me to reflect on what it is that helps us reach positive outcomes when there are times of struggle in communicating with each other. My work with children and adolescents experiencing emotional/mental health conditions took place in an inpatient psychiatric hospital where my role at the time was a Mental Health Counselor. A young girl, at the age of 15, left a lasting impression and provided the reassurance that I needed to stay the course of this work.?

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This young girl had arrived silent, Selectively Mute. The skin check did not show any scars, but I knew that the scars were deep inside. I observed the medications being administered and wondered when things would improve. Several days went by and Sarah said nothing. She was on a 1:1 level of observation, a risk of hurting herself and needing a higher level of care. I tapped out the counselor and asked if I could take over.?

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I put some music on through the computer monitor, made two cups of hot chocolate, arranged Lorna Doone cookies into a stack, sat down on the floor and played a game of solitaire.?She started watching me. She drank the hot chocolate and started to point at the cards indicating what my next move should be. I eventually reached into my pocket and handed her, her own deck of cards. This went on for hours. Sarah didn’t want me to leave that night. I promised her that I would be back in the morning and that we could start back up again.?

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The next morning, I was told in shift report that Sarah was doing worse, more meds were necessary, and she had refused dinner. I was interested to learn more.?I went in to wake Sarah up and I started singing Cat Stevens to her…. A song we both knew from the day before. She woke up and smiled. We spent the morning together and while there were only a few words spoken, she was able to communicate and get her needs met. Her mother came in…

Sarah shut down again.?

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The staff informed the mother that Sarah had been communicating with me. She was very curious what Sarah had communicated and what was next.?Her mother was very worn down. She shared with me that her life was a mess. She never had time for herself, and she didn’t have room for anything to go wrong. She tearfully shared her experiences at work, in a position where no one understood her and cared about her. She asked me one question …. “My daughter is talking with you. What can you teach me? How can I get to her and make her see that I love her?”?My answer is one that can be difficult to hear and one that I strive to deliver with the utmost compassion and empathy: “Please get help to ensure you are taking care of your emotional health.” She responded …. “The last thing I can make time for right now is me…. I am too worried about my daughter, and I know that I will be fine.” Often, the primary caretaker doesn’t realize the impact they have when they care for themselves. When they can find peace within it can be contagious.

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This case and many like it, along with my own lived experiences, has inspired me in so many ways. I was moved by the experience of finding a path to connect with Sarah. I listened intently and compassionately to her mother’s desperation in wanting to find a way to connect with her daughter and what I heard underneath is that this was a mom who was suffering herself. She was exhausted and overwhelmed. She did not feel seen, heard, or understood and was trying to do it all. She did not feel she could take any time to address her own emotional well-being. This is such well-intended thinking but so detrimental to our emotional health and well-being as adults. Children in their formative years take on the energy around them far before they learn to verbalize. Energy is contagious.

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Sarah was able to get help in part because she became severely symptomatic to the point of landing her in an inpatient setting with a mental health diagnosis. Sarah’s mother also needed help and support, but she did not have a mental health diagnosis. In the mental health setting the focus is most often on the “identified patient” but I believe there is an opportunity for an expanded approach. What if the tools and resources typically restricted for the mental health facility were more accessible to others? What if the “after-care plan” involved the support system- broadening the impact of the tools and resources used in the mental health facility? What if “after-care” was not an after-thought?

?Out of my experiences and work comes a personal mission to help create environments where all people feel seen, heard and acknowledged. To create environments where all people know they matter. You are never alone. I am right here.

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Written by Dr. Allyson Mayo, Founder of Behavioral Fitness

About the Author:

Dr. Allyson Mayo is a Doctor of Behavioral Health and founder of Behavioral Fitness. Dr. Mayo is a leading expert in the field of Behavioral Health and brings deep understanding and insights into the complexities that make us human. She is forging new trails in Behavioral Health and is redefining what it means to “be fit”. Leveraging her own lived experiences, education, understanding of human behaviors, and systems knowledge, Dr. Mayo has combined principles from Trauma Informed Care, Addiction Medicine, Lifestyle Medicine, Social Justice, Population Health Management, and improvement science to bring forth a revolutionary approach called Behavioral Fitness. Behavioral Fitness offers a variety of resources aimed to help your organization develop or optimize existing programs to address the complex issue of employee emotional health and well-being. Behavioral Fitness offers Chief Wellness Officer On Demand services, Behavioral Health Integration Consultations, Behavioral Fitness Action Plans, Population Health Program Design and Development, key-note speaking, and more. For more info please visit www.behavioralfitnesstoday.com and schedule a consult to discuss how Behavioral Fitness can help your organization.

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