You Need To Say No so That You Can Say Yes to Bigger and Better

To say “yes”, often you first need to say “no”.

It’s saying no in order to say yes to the things you really want in life, achieving the goals you are seeking and meeting the standards you are aspiring to.

Yet, so few of us are good at saying no. I totally suck at it.

I was finally forced to realize how saying yes too often and too quickly was undermining my life and success.

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”?–Josh Billings

There are people who I admire (envy) who are very successful and who almost never say yes right away. Instead, they say they will consider it and respond (often with “no”) the next day or just flat out say no.

Many of these people you may admire too.

Saying no is the secret to success.

Look who’s talking

I am a sucker and a leaf blowing through the air in someone else’s wind when they ask me for something and my mind is screaming NO!!!! and my mouth says, “Sure. No problem” to my ultimate regret.

How many times have you said yes and regretted it for any one of a million reasons?

In reflecting on this I can (amazingly) recount so many times when saying yes was counterproductive and even unnecessary. It compromised my life and my success.

I could have said no and there really wouldn’t have been a problem.

“What you don’t do determines what you can do.”?– Tim Ferriss

Yes!!!! That’s it!

Saying no protects your time and energy.

Saying no creates boundaries with friends, loved ones, colleagues and even clients so they don’t view you as easy pickings.

Saying no fuels self-confidence. It shows others that you know your boundaries and are focused on what’s critical for you. It makes you feel powerful because you made a strong self-affirming choice.

Saying no will lead most people to respect you more. For those that have a problem with it, well, that’s their problem, not yours.

Saying no allows you to focus on what you’ve said yes to.

People think focus only means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on.

“But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.

“I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done.

“Innovation is saying ‘no’ to 1,000 things.”?– Steve Jobs

Saying no is a success factor for anything you’re aspiring to.

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”?– Warren Buffet

Three situations

One situation is saying no to yourself, to opportunities that come your way and to others who are asking for something.

Saying no to opportunities is what the highly successful people I have quoted here are referring to. I have fallen into this trap. A chance to make some quick money freelancing. A possibility that may be more successful than what I am pursuing. There’s a long list of these.

Each one may be worthy of examination. Is it a truly better opportunity and more likely to succeed?

Or is it wishful thinking and that shiny new object?

I have learned (the hard way) to “Red Team” an opportunity which means to try and kill the idea. Look for every reason why it won’t work or be worth it.

If you kill it, good for you. You can confidently say no and move on.

If, on the other hand, you can’t kill it and get even more enthralled with it, then you may have found something to say yes to. For very good reasons.

I can think back to three critical times in my past when Red Teaming the idea would have saved me from lost time, money and effort.

Another situation is saying no to yourself. Often those situations are indulging in something you know is unhealthy.

For this, you need to know why.?Why is that indulgence counterproductive to your why (e.g., better health, pursuing something professionally or your life, etc.)?

Knowing why you said yes to, for example, being healthy is a much better motivator than just thinking you shouldn’t.

Then there’s the real toughie. Saying no to a loved one or friend.

Yes, this is like dancing through a minefield. It can be complicated, and it requires sensitivity, validation of the other person, patience and potentially a compromise.

Nevertheless, by understanding that you need to say no, you set boundaries and avoid potentially negative outcomes.

It’s tough, but ultimately the right thing to do.

“I've come to feel downright uneasy with people who can't say no.

What if they yes you to death and then secretly hate you for it?

If they never say no, how can you trust their yes? Besides, no makes room for yes, and who doesn't want more room for that?”?―?Kelly Corrigan

How to say no

I want to say yes, but I know I have to say no most of the time if I am going to succeed at my priorities and goals so I can live up to my standards.

I had to learn how to say no without coming off like an asshole.

Here are some methods I have found helpful.

1.????Briefly explain why you’re saying no.?This works almost every time and is super simple.

2.????Don’t say no, say I can’t.?Per #1 it’s just that you aren’t in a position to say yes for whatever reason (time, obligations, priorities, etc.).

3.????Be validating & understanding.?Especially true in a “relationship”. Avoid saying no right away. Seek full understanding. Let the other person express their need. Reflect back to them what you heard. Then express your concern, limitation or reason why you can’t do it or do all they’re asking.

4.????Throw them a bone.?Maybe you can’t fulfill what they are asking for, but you can still offer them something. I got hit up just yesterday by someone I am counting on for other things about “just making a one-minute promotional video” for their business.?I immediately said I could connect them with some people that could make it for them. When I could tell they were super disappointed, I offered to have a quick call with them to give some ideas and advice. They were satisfied and so was I.

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish.

“Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say YES all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart.

“Always remember: You have a right to say NO without having to explain yourself, Be at peace with your decisions.”?– Stephanie Lahart

Stephanie Lahart is absolutely right. Since I have learned how to say no with these appropriate techniques, I have not had any big issues with anyone.

Ahhhhhh. It’s wonderful to say no so that I can say yes to what I really want and need.

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